This comic dares us to ask many questions... like why hasn't anybody arrested the Kool-Aid Man?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man #1
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This comic dares us to ask many questions... like why hasn't anybody arrested the Kool-Aid Man?
72 comments:
Saying that this comic sucks is still giving it way too much credit than it deserves.
...that and Sudoku is pronounced Sue-D'oh-Koo...I-I-I couldn't help it.
Wow. I don't know what to say. I just can't believe this comic exists. It's almost as if it was created just to be laughed at by people on the internet.
LMAO! Bravo, Sir! Linkara this is your greatest review yet!
Awesome and very funny review. I don't know about you, but I'd drink I-Am-A-Man Punch.
My brother and I had this comic when we were kids. We read this thing until it fell apart, as we were wont to do with our comics at that age. It came as part of a huge stack of Marvel comics we'd gotten off of Home Shopping Channel, so we had an assortment of all sorts of weird stuff.
Ah, memories....
I think my head just exploded...
I am Kool-Aid Man. And I can breathe in space. OH YEAH!!
It's just... too much! I just can't understand the logic behind making a comic about the Kool-Aid Man. It would be like making a comic about the Honeycomb Craver or Joe Camel.
Anyways, you made a great review. I couldn't stop laughing at some part.
Yep I had this one too. I would imagine I got it with Kool-Aid Points. After all, in the 80's I think Regan made it a law that kids could only drink Kool-Aid, so I had more points than I ever knew what to do with. Like Anonymous up there, I read it until it fell apart, like I also did with every comic when I was that age.
And yes, Kool-Aid Man does have cameras everywhere. He's watching you now...
and one day the thirsies would soon find a new way to stop fun, by becoming trolls. And no I'm not feeding them, I'm drowning them, in kool aid. BRAVO! good job, cant wait to see what's next for linkara
I risk the wrath of...probably everyone here, but I kind of enjoy the comic. It's the first comic I ever ordered, and it was free (+s&h) with enough Kool-Aid points. I don't think it was designed to be studied. It's just meant to be silly, and to show Kool-Aid is the cure for thirst on a hot day. Or something.
Besides, it was still more interesting than the Archie Comics run.
I have this comic. It really is that idiotic. One thing I've always wondered, though, was if Otis Kline was named after the sci-fi author:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otis_Adelbert_Kline
Not that it makes this comic any better, but if it was intentional, it's actually a surprising reference for a comic like this.
This was one your funniest reviews yet. Seriously, the comic is so bad that it's just surreal.
"Besides it was still more interesting than the Archie Comics run."
Wait, what?! Are you implying that there was more than one run of Kool-Aid Man comics? And if so,
WHY?
I also remember having a Kool-Aid Man comic as a kid, although my memories of it are vague enough that I'm not sure if it was this one or one of the other Kool-Aid Man comics.
At the risk of seeming like I'm justifying any element of this comic, I can answer why KAM's juice wouldn't freeze in space: there's nothing to conduct heat away from the juice. With no pressure, it would boil instead.
To say no good Comic book could be done about the kool-aid man is not a statement...its a challenge!
the thirsties are little suns they're in some commercials, like the sun their job is to make you thirsty. Uh a 30 second commercial should never pan out to anything more than that. Take caveman sitcom for instance. It would have been better if koolaide man had like a thirst quencher sense kinda like spiderman's spidy sense. so all he has to do is sense when they are attacking, yes i am giving suggestions on how this comic could have been improved bite me :P
Kool Aid by Alan Moore might work
Lewis, have you ever heard of a little comic called Doom Patrol #70? I'm pretty sure that you could manage to get some humor out of this, although it would be very low brow. I'd understand if you didn't want to, because Head Injury theater beat you too it, but if you ever felt the need to draw attention to the 90's Doom Patrol, I wouldn't blame you.
Wow........I have rarely seen anything ever in any form that has left me more at a loss for words, except for laughter! It took me twice as long to watch this because I kept stopping it cracking up with laughter!
Your video of this was the funniest I have seen! You keep topping yourself! This comic seemed painfully bad in ways I can't find enough words in the theasaurus for description! It made that Ultimate Warrior comic seem like Sandman, and Countdown seems like Crisis on Infinate Earths. It's not even a comic! There should be another name for what THIS is!
Making fun of this is more than a source of laughs, it's a public service warning of a surreal waste. We have been warned! Mr. Linkara needs a medal for checking out this one, as the public service soldier he is!
So until Kool Aid Man joins the Thunderbolts, MAKE MINE LINKARA!
The reaosn why he didn't freeze is because Space isn't "cold" sure the areas between the stars are -100 F but there isn't enough stuff in space to bump into you and abored your heat, ie convection and conduction of heat are not going to happen in space.
OH YEAH!!! That comic really sucks!
"Wait, what?! Are you implying that there was more than one run of Kool-Aid Man comics?"
Flat out stating it. I even have two of the Archie issues (again, mail-order with Kool-Aid points). #4 was a tie-in with a contest Kool-Aid was holding and introduced Scorch, sort of a more humanoid Thirstie who was just a bully. It also introduced the "Kool-Aid Kingdom", a magical place that was the basis of Kool-Aid's many flavors (back when there were more than four or five flavors) and his Kool-Aid Vault, where all the mail order goodies were kept (until the "Wacky Warehouse" was introduced--does Kool-Aid even do this promotion any more?).
Like the Marvel comics there were two stories, but kept the same three friends in both. The second one had Kool-Aid-Man and Scorch in a surfing contest. I kid you not.
The other comic has no number, and was just one lame story (and kind of short) where KAM and the kids helped Rockadile Red find his stolen instruments in a story that made even less sense than the ones Linkara just reviewed, and wasn't nearly as interesting.
(And I didn't find it interesting, I know the rest of you won't. But I like weird things. Even reviewed the Teen Titans anti-drug PSA on my blog once.)
As big a fan I usually am of you, this was probably your worst episode. This comic clearly is supposed to be silly and not taken seriously, yet almost all of your criticisms are taking it seriously. It would be like watching Looney Toons and trying to take it seriously. "Hey! That coyote is breaking the laws of gravity! That makes no sense! THIS CARTOON SUCKS!" I was so bored that halfway through I actually was considering just not watching the video, but decided to stick it until the end.
That's not to say that none of your complaints weren't legitimate, but the majority of them were, as I said, like complaining that Wile E. Coyote is able to defy gravity or survive falls from such incredible heights. You're not supposed to take it that seriously. I actually thought this comic looked kind of funny.
I don't recall you being this annoyed during Countdown or Amazons Attack when you were talking about Kool-Aid Man's secret headquarters. You look like you were going to blow a gasket.
Oh, you think THAT is pointless? What about the Jell-O Man comic? Y'know, the comic about a man made out of letters made out of Jell-O that spelled the word "Jell-O"? With his dog, Wobbly, made of the "J" of the Jell-O letters that spelled "Jell-O"? Just...how do comics like this keep getting made?!
Tell me, good sir, at which fine retail stores can I purchase "I-Am-A-Man Punch"?
You know what bugs me the most? The singular form of "Thirsties" is not "Thirsty," but "Thirstie." That is just really irritating.
You forgot the most glaringly obvious question.
...why doesn't the Kool-Aid Man ever BREAK? Even plastic would shatter going through half the crap he does!
(You realize that now I'm thirsty and it's clearly your fault.)
Bravo on this. Your bravery will be lauded for generations.
Also, I love how the Kool-Aid man trips and instantly starts a ship that the creator couldn't figure how to switch on in THIRTY. YEARS. I haven't been ALIVE for thirty years, and the Kool-Aid man just magically starts the thing literally the moment he walks in. AND he doesn't explain how. What a dick.
Also, this is definitely one of the best reviews of yours that I've seen. You're just so into this. Fantastic, fantastic job! Oh yeah!
I remember this comic. In my neighborhood one of the people down the street on halloween instead of handing out candy gave away full comic books. You see he worked at the Marvel print shop in Salt Lake City and they let him take all the comics that didn't sell or were overstocked.
We had someone who was an executive at Clover Club a few houses up who gave away bags of potato chips as well(we liked that house better).
Anyway, There were others of this comic and they are just as bad or worse then this one was.
Actually, what he would have to worry about is not freezing as much as explosive decompression. All that Kool-Aid (which is mostly water anyway) would almost instantly evaporate away in a zero pressure environment.
I remember them handing out free copies of this to kids at Summercamp one year like 15+ years after it was actually printed.
You are correct in assuming that no one read these comics.
Well I have to say that Space is not cold. I'm not saying that's something 'good' about the comic with it being right about this one fact. (Not that it makes it any better, if anything it makes it worse! I bet they only got that right by not thinking about how people think "space is cold" thing. Because if they did that logicly... That means the people wrighting this comic should have the brainpower to realize it's a bad idea!)
Take a look at the Wiki page. or better yet the Tv Tropes page titled Space is Cold. While the title does say that space is cold it is not. In fact that trope talk's about how people think space is cold, while in fact it's not. It'll take a long time in space for you to reach 3 Kevin. And with how short the Kool-Aid Man was in space there was nothing for him to worry about about freezing.
Sorry about the rant, just didn't like hearing a little common mistake about how space works.
I see two possibilities for why the Kool-Aid Man was in the fun-house.
One: This is his day job.
Two: He actually knew the Thirsties were there, but he decided to be a huge dick and wait until someone actually called his name in order to massage is huge sugary ego.
Or it's just a terrible comic.
Good review, but I have to admit this comic is so deep in its absurdities it simply goes back around and becomes awesome.
One of those so bad it's good kind of things.
I'm actually kinda thirsty right now...oh no, what have I d-*boom* Oh yeah!
I've just had to beat the back of my skull in with my keyboard... what in the Blue Frack were the writers thinking? I honestly can't think of a more ham fisted, annoying or badly written attempt to advertise a more annoying character.
I'm not going to bring up any scientific arguments because, let's face it, the writer(s) wouldn't know science if Dr Insano sat on their faces.
No what makes this rubbish awful is the complete lack of plot exposition or sane narrative structure.
I can only thank you for suffering though this horrible waste of perfectly good toilet paper and ask how do you find these things?
@Spazzmaster Please don't wrongly correct people's Japanese.
It's pronounced "Sue Dock-Oo" I am so sick of people saying it wrong -_-
Doombot, funny you should mention that. Alan Moore actually DID do a Kool-Aid Man comic story, a sort of behind-the-scenes celebrity spoof. It actually was really good.
The depths to which Marvel will sink to? Perhaps you haven't seen the 2-part Captain America comic given out at my dentist's office.
Was this really necessary? I can't help but feel like the "complain about bad comics" (or even the whole angry internet complainer) thing is just getting tired at this point.
I mean, a Kool-Aid comic? It's difficult to find a review funny when it just feels like a cheap, easy shot.
I think it may be a interesting to actually switch things up and do some segments recommending *good* comics. It would be great to see some segments that bring to light lesser known (or independent) material and/or creators that never got the attention they deserved. Or maybe some "edutainment"style videos about comics and their history. Inform people and maybe create new fans.
No series about the depths to which Marvel will sink is complete without the travesty, the abomination, the depravity that is ONE MORE DAY!
I second Jospeh's comment.
This garbage almost makes ONE MORE DAY seem like a good idea
Kate-
Spazz was right, actually. The Japanese syllabary corresponds to specific sounds. There's no difference in pronounciation like there is in English.
す ど く = su, do and ku, respectively. Those characters are always pronounced "sue" "dough" and "koo."
I suppose, though, to be fair, we'd all look weird pronouncing "karaoke" the way it is in Japanese.
THE MORE YOU KNOW[tm]
Back on-topic, I forgot to ask who drew the comic. It looks vaguely Dan DeCarlo-esque, especially in the faces.
@ Joseph:
Linkara has already done quite a few short segments that talk about comic history, from his description of the various Ages of comicdom in his review of Neutro, to his discussion about the rise of indie comics in STSF, to a full episode dedicated to explaining Wonder Woman's background. He's also done a positive review of the Blue Beetle, so you can't say that he isn't trying to inform us; it's just that the entire point of Atop the Fourth Wall is to kick the crap out of stupid comics, hence the tagline "Where Bad Comics Burn".
And besides, Linkara has a point with this review; promotional tie-in comics to something like Kool-Aid, a FOOD PRODUCT which ALREADY has its own ad campaign and doesn't NEED a comic made about it, is just stupid and lazy. Think about it this way; comics like Warrior or Nightcat make sense, because they're promotional tie-ins to a rising star in an entertainment industry, and usually have a gimmick the writers can exploit and form a story around - with Warrior, for instance, his psycho-babbling nonsense essentially created a literal world all his own, which could be used as the setting for his own comic. Comics for toys like Transformers or Air Raiders work, because usually there's a plot built into the toys to make them more appealing to kids and allow for the writers to base the comics on. In other words, with those promotions, there's usually a basis for a comic already established that the writers can latch onto and make a comic tie-in for that promotion work; the reason why so many of those tie-ins suck, is because the writers don't have enough of a firm grasp on the story concept that the promotion gives them to do it justice.
But with something like Kool-Aid, there's no such basis; there's no story to the Kool-Aid Man, there's no plot to why he smashes through walls to give his sugary drink mix to kids to quench their thirst. You have to take a LOT of liberties to even come up with a plausible storyline for the mascot; I do believe the Thirsties were NOT a part of ANY of the Kool-Aid commercials, and were, in fact, created wholesale just to give the Kool-Aid Man an antagonist so they could have a conflict to form a story around. There's just nothing that you could reasonably use to justify making this kind of a comic; even some cereal mascots would have better comics written about them, as they have a semblance of a conflict in their commercials (The Trix Rabbit and his attempts to steal the cereal from the kids, Lucky and his trying to keep his cereal from the kids, even the old Cap'n Crunch commercials where he fought the Soggies, since the Soggies were created for the commercials themselves and featured prominently in said commercials), but the Kool-Aid Man is just a living pitcher of Kool-Aid that crashes through walls whenever someone says they're thirsty and gives them his drink to sip, and nowadays he doesn't even do THAT, the kids simply having fun in one of his many pool parties with ALL THE KOOL-AID THEY WANT. You can't make a comic out of that, at all. It just doesn't work, so trying to shoehorn in one is simply idiotic.
Trepester said...
This garbage almost makes ONE MORE DAY seem like a good idea
Like one of my favorite comic creator podcasters once said, a story works in part if it follows the rules it sets up, based on how serious and close to the "real world" its supposed to be. (I'm paraphrasing.) Kind of like how everyone gets superpowers in the DC or Marvel universes compared to, say, Radioactive Man or the cast of Freakazoid.
Kool-Aid-Man may not follow all science rules like needing air in space (see also Space Ghost and Silverhawks, which were supposed to be taken seriously--and were awesome!), but it at least follows the rules it sets up. It's not supposed to be taken seriously, nor is it set in a completely serious universe, like Marvel Proper. It's just the writer (Jim Salicrup, according to my cataloging program)having a bit of fun with reality.
One More Day, on the other hand, completely ignores key ingredients that make up who Peter Parker is, and pushed character development back 20-30 years to make Quesada and the current Spider-Writers happy. In other words, it ignores rules set down by their predecessors and even themselves, in a story we're not only supposed to take seriously, but actually feel for Peter and think he and MJ did the right thing--easing Peter's guilt while saving Aunt May (a woman who has spent more time in the hospital than many of its staff) by undoing something she worked rather hard to put together ever since MJ's introduction into the Marvel Universe. Even after May TOLD him not to.
I really don't think there's a lot of connection here.
Lewis, you need to check out DINOSAURS FOR HIRE #1. I think you'd get a kick out of it.
Wow, I'm astronomically insulted that the thousand chimps on typewriter duty dared to sully Otis Adelbert Kline's good name with a reference that no child would get. How DARE they.
I will say, though, that there was one rather brilliant Kool-Aid comic, portraying the titular pitcher as a scientific aberration which breaks loose from its bonds to wreak havoc on the world. The art was rudimentary and the joke's kind of ruined if you know the punchline, but I enjoyed it immensely.
In regards to the 'spaceship pieces' info... First, decompressive forces aren't that strong. With a hole that big, the air would probably rush out fairly quickly, but not as fast as Hollywood would lead you to believe; second, metal spaceship chunks are heavy and, if hit hard enough to cause shattering on that level, would continue moving, for sure (and probably embed themselves into the next wall.)
How singularly and bizarrely awful. I would, however, definitely want to read "I-Am-A-Man Punch" comics ;-)
Oh, and FYI, it's a second base BAG, not plate. TMYK...
You know, when you said 'The Kool-Aid Man sees you when you're asleep', I thought for sure you were going to burst into a rendition of 'Santa Clause is Coming To Town'.
Oh, god, now I have images of the Ultimate Warrior raping the Kool-Aid Man!
Just one thing, the why doesnt his koolaid freeze question,
There is nothing to radiate heat to in space so it takes things a while to cool down sure you would freeze fast but he would have a little while to get there,
the real problem is why doesnt all his koolaid fly out of his head, what with the lack of pressure and all
OH YEAH!
I personally thought this was one of your weaker episodes. As the source material was pretty limited and there was only so much you could do with it, and the fact it was aimed at kids (hence the patronising.)
Still, you made quite a lot of funny points and it carried me through to the end. Well done, looking forward to October's videos!
P.S Do you know if Marvel actually made a series out of this? I curious how far they could stretch this concept.
Long live the outrage!! This is one of your best, because in his one you were (or at least acted) he angriest over absurd concepts. And BTW, this has also been one of the best list of comments that I have read for AT4W, interesting discussions about physics, about the meaning of a story and the criterion for critique. I learned things. (To be fair, I often don't read all the comments when Im one of the first commenters; maybe I've been missing something.)
On the other hand, I was immediately trying to find out explanation for all your questions. Maybe the Thirsties are the incarnations in our universe of the quantity of being a jerk. I'm not sure what should have happened to a normal giant sentient pitcher of liquid when ice cubes in it when traveling through space's vacuum -- whether at this distance from the sun the liquid should boil, melt, or one than the other, I'm guessing the liquid should at least be pulled out of the enormous open top. (Is that a right or wrong assumption?) But maybe the Kool-Aid Man, including his liquid and ice cubes, are magic, and, as has been well established, that mans Marvel doesn't have to explain it. Oh, and he can speak either through loud telepathy or by making his voice vibrate the very fabric of space itself.
Oh well, I'm sure that Marvel will make it make more sense in Ultimate Kool-Aid Man.
I have to side with those who think this was great. Part of it was your level of outrage, part the absurdity of the situation. Those who suggest that it;s not supposed to be taken seriously and should be judged by internal logic may have a point. but I"f have to read the full story by myself to decide. I don't feel any great need to do that.
I do have to as, though, as someone who remembers the beginning of the 1980s, (I remember watching Cronkite list the number of days the hostages had been held in Iran), personal bottles of water were not ubiquitously carried around in public until the end of the decade. (Oh, according to wikpedia, the comic was reduced in the mid to late 1980s. So at the very latest, erosion water bottles were just starting to be common, at least in part of the United States..)
This comic really does feel at home in the Silver Age. I understand that Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns signaled a lap in the maturity of comics, but had there been no progress between Fantastic Four #1 and them? Because if not, this comic seems purposefully retrograde.
Also, to be fair out the Thirsties, there are many standard comic book characters with messed up evolutionary chains. The X-Gene alone has created feathered wings (in a member of a species with no descent from either birds or feathered dinosaurs) and sun-like fire itself, among many other traits.
I am glad to have learned though our voice acting, that the Kool-Aid Man is in fact Mr. T. in disguise. Maybe the pitcher is transformed version of Mr. T.'s camera.
A rocket he didn't know how to launch, even though he built it. Reminds me of the Interociter from This Island Earth and a deices Handy Smurf built from a dream in the cartoon series.
And you kind of sort of debunked the anti-French prejudice in this video, while also weirdly buying into it at the same time. I'm ambulant about that contradictory repudiation, but I don't know if the Simpsons has evert come that close. So, Hooray! I'm sure next anniversary, Benzaie won;t punch you in gratitude.
Keep up the great work.
Silent Hill, eh? I never was good at watching horror. I listen to most of Phelous' reviews with the browser window hidden partially below the screen, so I don't see anything bloody. Still, you do such s good job, I'm sticking with it.
I am sure there is some historical significance to this series due to the fact that it is probably the only time Archie ever continued the numbering of a Marvel series?
No?
And wasn't there an Atari game about Kool-Aid Man as well?
Who the hell thought a comic about a corporate spokesdrinkperson would be a good idea?
And also, people say Superman is a dick, I'll argue that the Kool-Aid Man is an even bigger dick than Supes.
Think about it, he crashes into walls for no apparent reason, just to shout his stupid catchphrase, "OH YEAHHHH!!!!"
Also, whose to say these Soggies...erm....Thirsties (sorry, wrong ad campaign) weren't hired by KAM to do no good, so that he/it could look good?
And, what was KAM doing in the fun-house? Easy. He was busy scaring kids inside, luring them inside the funhouse with his sugary innards. What an asshole, Oh yeah.
Another fun review, Linkara.
(I'd like some I-Am-A-Man Punch, too.)
Could be worse, at least he didn't drag anyone down with him.
If he teamed up with the X-Men or something the comic would have gone from merely foolish to painful.
Happily instant drink mascots and superheroes tend to keep a wide berth...
oh...
right...
I forgot about this crap.
Hmph!
Y'know who deservers a Batcave............. CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Kool-Aid man <--(Because poor literacy is cool...oh god)
Watch out! He's watching you! Everywhere you go, everything you do is being watched. The Kool-Aid man sees you in your dreams...your NIGHTMARES!!
Dude, I bust myself over that one. Way to go.
Loved this Review. Was totally hilarious in every fashion. I am not to shocked that they made one of these. I mean, have you ever considered doing a Jell-o comic review too?
I just want to say, it was a truly inspired decision to make the Kool-Aid man sound like Mr T.
Funny review. Huzzah for LOGIC.
And yet... I can't help thinking that with just a little tweaking, this comic could have been enjoyable on a different level. They already have "the Kool-Aid Man OH YEAH-ing through the nearest wall at every opportunity" right. If they had just put a little more effort into the plot and thinking it out while (bear with me) keeping the "plot" itself off the center, and maybe given the Thirsties some more development, the comic could just about be carried on the Kool-Aid Man's sheer OH YEAHCITY. Just a thought.
*Was* there a Kool-Aid Man #2?
http://www.cracked.com/article/209_6-hilarious-attempts-at-brainwashing-kids-with-comic-books_p1
Thought you and my fellow vieweds would appreciate this, Linkara, if ya'll haven't seen it already.
This review is one long crowning moment of funny.
I mean, seriously, the Kool-Aid Man? Who worked on this -- writers of some bad 80s cartoon?
This is an insult to kids everywhere.
Not sure if anyone one has noticed this but the Snack Bar at the beginning is spelled SAM'S SNAX
BECAUSE POOR LITERACY IS KEWL!
Ya'll kidding? That sounds hilarious :D It's like some awful B-movie that you can't help but find joy in ;)
I should note, however, that from what I can tell, Kool-Aid Man #1 came out in 1983. Super Mario 3 came out in 1988 (In Japan) sooo... Yeah, looks like Miyamoto was a comics fan? ;)
Finally got around to seeing this episode considering it is referred to all the time. And...well, I think the Kool-Aid Man just has a massive "wall radar" more than any real superpowers or anything. He has to find a wall to break through or else he isn't making people's lives miserable. (well its that and he's a genius with a headquarters and surveilance everywhere while a crazy old scientist can't figure out how to start up a rocket he spent 30 years to build...go figure)
This has little to do with the comic. But I want to know, WHEN DID KOOL-AID MAN START WEARING PANTS? It was after this comic, of course.
This was written for kids who can't read yet. So it's pointless anyway :B
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