Monday, January 11, 2010

Scarlett #1


Team purple shirt guy vs. Team Doom marine vs. Team Fisherman vs. Team Toucan Sam the Vampire.


69 comments:

Maggles said...

Flamingo? FLA-MIN-GO?! Man that comic was all over the place.

You have great taste in music sir. I'm gonna be humming "You give love a bad name" for the rest of the week now. You win! What do you win? Er... I dunno. Is there anything you want badly at the moment? XD

Also, you caught me off-guard with the soda can crushing bit. I was giggling for a good while.

Fnork said...

Yay! I'm second!

No I havn't wathced the episode yet, I just wanna piss people off :P

Laura said...

Somehow, I didn't immediately twig to vampires when I heard the Buffy theme. I'm so disapointed in myself. Although I have to wonder, if it came out after the movie (which I couldn't watch beyond the first twenty minutes, it was painful), was it trying to follow the success with another "Chosen One" who fights vampires?

In any case, loved the review, had a small WTH moment when you pulled out that sword. Where exactly where you hiding that thing? Inside the tracksuit jacket? And where did you get it?

Jeremy A. Patterson said...

Strangely enough, her comic lasted a whopping FOURTEEN ISSUES, which is two more than what the New Guardians got, & NINE MORE than what Vixen's god-awful solo book got!

For some reason, the cover depicts Scarlett as a blonde, while the actual story depicts her as a redhead!

There are a few more examples of the first issue being kind of screwy:

Rose #1 (Hero Graphics; This book came out around the same time as Scarlett #1 & has some similarities: Both have vampires as villains, both are about battling such creatures, and most importantly, BOTH OF THEM HAVE FEMALE LEADS WHO HAVE RED HAIR! www.comics.org/issue/52165

Chapions #1 (Eclipse Comics; Eclipse changed the series before publication from the original format of 'tell stories about individual characters' so that they focus on the entire team all the time! They also forced Carol Lay, an artist that was ill-suited for do-gooders, to draw this issue! www.comics.org/issue/41496

What do you think about THOSE books?

J.A.P.

Paul S. said...

Funny that Grant Morrison just introduced a badass Batman villain named Flamingo. Guess that's something for the missed opportunities of 2010 video. :p

Also wasn't this comic published cira 2003? Dokken and Poison weren't a big concert back then.

Joshua the Anarchist said...

So can I assume then that you are indeed a Buffy (and/or Joss Whedon) fan? Please say yes, there aren't near enough Buffy fans on TGWTG.

Anonymous said...

If Bablefish is to be believed, "dunkelkinder" means "dark children" in German. But, yes, it still sounds really silly.

Rasmus Wichmann said...

Hmm... Dunkelkinder actually means "dark children" in Germany. They might have wanted to use "Dunkelelfen" like in Warhammer.
Honestly I don't think the story seemed all that bad, it was just the type of story that should have been in a graphic novell, not spread out over issues.

Carrie said...

Man, the Doom Guy should be in every bad, boring comic. He's at least make decent distraction.

lilmaibe said...

Agreed on the earworm.
On a smaller sidenote:
Yay for random german to make things sound omnious and evil.
Dunkelkinder is more or less a online-translator-translation for -children of darkness- or -dark children-
*facepalm*
(/end of random knowledge)

Marc Reyes said...

@ Paul S.

I'd put the publication year of "Scarlett #1" around the early 90s, probably around '92 or '93.

As for the comic:

- Just once, I'd like to see a cult wearing suits and the only menacing thing about them being scars or tattoos or blackened eyes or whatnot.
- Judging by the title of the comic, was I the only one who thought this would be a spinoff comic from G.I. Joe? The fact that the title character's hair is red didn't help...
- The Doom Marine Guy from the cover? What was his story anyway?
- Loved the callback to the Adamantium Rage review with Spoony.
- I was thinking the track suit was in preparation to a certain comic written by a certain writer, "J.L."?


Marc "Wishes This Was A G.I. Joe spinoff comic" Reyes

JiBé said...

That's not Joe Don Baker, that's Earl McGraw, from the Tarantino movies !

Children's Card Games on Motorcycle ! With Vampires ! In 3-D ! In SPAAAAA...ok, I'll stop. And I don't know if "Shot through the heart" counts as a Deadpool reference, but it's great anyway.

So a bald vampire with a nickname C.J. Cregg was ashamed of. Well I've seen everything...again.

Awesome review, Linkara, and quotable as hell^^.

Aero said...

another great episode

Queen Anthai said...

Paul:

Dokken and Poison are TIMELESS.

\m/

Ryan said...

Great review as always, nice callback to the "adamantium rage" review.
The ending stinger with Bobo's finest hour from MST3K had me reeling with laughter. That is why I always stay till the end of the credits on your reviews.
Keep up the good work!

ironbite said...

I'm surpries that you didn't mention Jo Don's partner in this was the cop from PHANTASMAGORIA!

Ironbite-wow that's alot of fail.

Anonymous said...

"Dunkelkinder" is not a pseudo-German word which means "Children of the Darkness," literally "Dark Children."

Sarah said...

Great as always, of course~ I mean, I think it is, but for some reason it doesn't want to load the whole thing. I'll try again later.

Thought I'd say, though, 'Dunkelkinder' is more or less German for 'dark childen'

Jessica Wisniewski said...

Dunkelkinder would be German for Dark Children.

Wyn said...

I'm sure this is information you're dying to know, but dunkelkinder comes out to dark children or children of darkness, in German. There, now you've learned something you never needed to know. (And yes, it still sounds silly as a word.)

This comic seemed almost like a fanfic, where the writer had lots of stuff they wanted to have happen but couldn't be bothered to have it develop believably.

Am I the only one who thought the blonde doctor (in the hospital, talking to the cops) looked like Tara Reed in Alone in the Dark?

Rhomega said...

Toucan Sam and Flamingo huh? Sounds like a bad team from the start. Vampires makes it worse

Mountain King said...

I had a horrible vision for one moment that you borrowed Spoony's muscle suit for a pay off to the He-Man gag... Speaking off, where the heck did you get that sword from? Does your jacket have infinitely deep pockets that you got form a certain Time Lord?

Mediocre and dull comics really are difficult to review aren't they. There's nothing for you to really get your teeth into... They just suck... and that's me done for vampire jokes.

Great review

Thomas

Bill said...

Sorry if this was mentioned on TGWTG, but the original Dracula and those stories which followed closely in his footsteps were depicted as having control over weather, so maybe that's the explanation for the sandstorm?

As usual, great review.

Jessica Wisniewski said...

Dunkelkinder is German for either the Dark Children or the Darkness Children, depending if dunkel is being used as a adjective or a noun.

Dg said...

meeeeeeeeeeeeerr. This comic woulda been more interesting if it were about the real scarlett. And maybe spoony. Can't you just see him getting drunk at the prom and dressing like robin hood then getting turned into a vampire?

Also, I give credit to comics like Kool-Aid Man and Mr. T - I was at least interested, most especially because your reaction of "WHAAAAAAAAT?! WHAT?!?!" was just so funny.

Tsumetai said...

Spoony's girlfriend's name is "Scarlett Number One"? She has some interesting parents.

Also, "Dunklekinder" is German for "dark children". German is weird.

Finally, was it "Youngblood Disease" or "Youngblood Syndrome"? It seems I've heard you say both at one point or another... though I could just be misremembering. "Syndrome" would make more sense since a 'syndrome' is a feature or state whereas 'disease' is a foreign, invading organism.

P.S. You're still awesome, despite linguistic imperfections.

Harry417 said...

@Laura-It's obvious how he pulled that rapier out of nothing. Lewis is an Immortal.

Anyway, great review Lewis.

Frank said...

Just like to add, "Dunkelkinder" is German for "Dark Children".

Cavalier said...

I really though 'dunkelkinder' was a joke &^). Translated from German is mean 'dark children,' although 'dunkel' can also mean 'dark beer.'

Taranaich said...

What fun! A couple of random thoughts:

For what it's worth, "Dunkelkinder" sounds pretty much like dunkle kinder, which roughly translates to "dark children." It's still sounds stupid, not to mention unimaginative.

"Well I don't want to think too hard about High School Proms..." - bad experience, Linkster?

When Raymond was telling his taller friend about the "93&% chance that she's the one" while reading from a hand-held electronic device, I can't be only one who immediately started to think Quantum Leap. Come on Gucci, don't let us down!

So apparently Dokken and Poison count as "metal" in this universe? Then again, that does accurately reflect your typical moronic '90s high schooler. Ho ho.

NO! NOT THE DEADLY VENN DIAGRAMS!

Love the He-Man shout-out.

So... yes, great fun this week. The easter egg at the end was most appreciated.

looking2dastars said...

FYI: Dunklekinder seems to be Pigeon German for "Dark Children" or "Children of Darkness"

Of course Dunkle is more commonly used as a term for any type of dark ale or lager. So it may as well be "Children of the Beer" for all the meaning it has.

jhaumann said...

Scarlett!? Ohh I knew Spoony's girlfriend would be involved with this somehow. Hilarious review, as always! The Frantics' "Boot to the Head" reference took me totally by surprise. Also all I could think of in my head while you were doing the Peter Lorre voice for that bug-eyed toadie character was "Beware of the fat man, he smells like FEEET!".

Mr. Hobbs said...

But Linkara, the only use for Tae Kwon Leap is self defense!

Lotus Prince said...

I really enjoy your various outside references throughout your review. They always make me smile, even if I haven't listened to some of the songs whose lyrics you quote.

Excellent job, as usual! Hey, maybe issue number two will actually have relevant plot points!

Maverynthia said...

Dunkelkinder is indeed a word
doon-kel-kinder (you pronounced it wrong... it's German, gotta Ooooo the U's)

It simply means, Dark Children. Why they couldn't put that into English is beyond me... because foreign words are cool?

Also if they were wearing suits, the comic would reek too much of real ife...where crazy cult people wear suits.

Actually the ability to track balloons /might/ come in hand to find missing or kidnapped children... albeit not for long though when the villains figure out that the hero can track by balloons....

Also, Dracula conjured up a storm to bring his ship into port, so it wouldn't be against vampire lore to stir up a sandstorm...

Paul S. said...

Doh... meant to type 1993 in my reply not 2003. *Facepalms*

The House of C.R.P said...

Oh dear god! That Kiros guy is actually Alucard!

I just downloaded Castlevania: Symphony of the Night of Xbox Live okay?

Well, there are worse vampire stories out there.

Mistwraith said...

Many pointed it out already, Dunkelkinder is no pigeon german, it is actual german for "Dark Children". But I want to add, that you should try to speak it like "Doonkelkinder". The german 'u' sounds like the english 'oo'.

But I would not call anything "Dunkelkinder" in german, to make it sound scary, either. It doesn't. I guess this should be a reference to the "Children of the Night", a common term used for vampires.

I am a vampire roleplaying game storyteller for more then a decade and currently writing a vampire novel (in german). And I have to agree that this vampires here are quite boring. Whatever they did was neither exiting nor scaring.

Animikean said...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which someone needs to do a review of) was 1992. Scarlett was 1993 and it not only got 14 issues, the 14th issue completed the story. (picked up all of 'em for $6)

It was obviously "inspired" by the movie, but that wasn't the weird part I'll contend.

The overly large pointless talking scenes, the art that doesn't know where it wants to go, the unfriendly to the reader dialogue with words thrown in just to make it seem more important, for all the world it feels more like an early 90's vertigo book then DC mainstream. I'm not saying the vertigo line hasn't given us some great stuff, but the misses are always quickly buried and forgotten. But really now, did they publish this under the banner of their regular line because a hole appeared in the schedule?

As a person who read all the way through wice because I was sure I just wasn't getting it, it was a very strange story that doesn't get much smoother and has reveals pulled out of the blue whenever it feels like it. It ends simply when the author was done playing with this character, and since I've never seen her since who's to say I'm wrong?

Rasmus Wichmann said...

Wow, every man and his cat were tripping over each other, to tell all about German etymology (whatever that means).
I guess noone bothered to read the previous comments, though it does comfort me that so many understand German...

Hey, BTW, did I mention that Dunkelkinder means... Oh.

Kate Holden said...

Flamingo and Weasel the Dunkelkinder. Wow, such intimidating names! =_=

I think lack of thorough thought and planning is one of the biggest problems with this comic. If they'd really sat down and planned how to introduce the heroine, who was vital to the story in the first chapter and how everything was going to tie together, it could have been decent. The premise isn't a bad one (as shown by Buffy, though I will admit it's actually just as much the fun dialogue and atmosphere that made Buffy good as the plot writing and premise) but it's wasted through the incoherence of the execution. Same goes for the names. If the Vampires are all named after animals, I guess that could work, but there would need to be more introduced to make that clear, and more threatening choices of animals would certainly help.

Everything about the comic seems sort of half-assed. Like it could have been good if they'd just tried a little harder. Sometimes I think that a wasted opportunity is a lot more depressing to see than something that had no potential to begin with and is predictably bad (like the Koolaid man comic).

Matthew said...

Sorry Linka,a I know you don't like it when people repeat an explanation, but I want to set this straight:

"Dunkelkinder" is not a real german word. "Dunkle Kinder" would mean "dark children", "Dunkelkinder" probably is supposed to mean the same or "children of the darkness", but it's not real a german world. Just like "darkchild" isn't a real english word.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it's great how absolutely EVERYBODY felt the need to explain what Dunkelkinder means without looking at the other comments to see if someone had already made the exact same point.

Didn't Linkara already tell you guys not to do that?

Lewis Lovhaug said...

"I guess noone bothered to read the previous comments, though it does comfort me that so many understand German..."

Well, in fairness what happened was that I walked away for several hours and since I have to approve every comment they didn't know it had been answered.

Lewis Lovhaug said...

"Yes, it's great how absolutely EVERYBODY felt the need to explain what Dunkelkinder means without looking at the other comments to see if someone had already made the exact same point.

Didn't Linkara already tell you guys not to do that?"
Yep, but at the time they were posting, there were no other comments up that explained it, so I'm giving them a pass.

Emi said...

1) Here's the next idea for the people who do Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and that other upcoming one with sea monsters: Gone with the Wind, with Vampires!

2) "Gable." HA HA clever. I called that one right away.

3) I'm with you. German seems to alternate a lot between sounding like evil hell-speech and goofy nonsense. XD Which is why it's such a cool language.

4) The scene of them throwing the guy against the spike made me lawl for real.

5) I love your valley-girl voice. XD

6) There are costumed people in LA who take pictures with bystanders for money. One of them let me get a picture for free, though, because I was wearing a Supergirl T-shirt, and she was wearing a Batgirl outfit. XD

7) Can you really call up Wikipedia on a DS like that?

8) AAAAAAGH! ART ATTACK!

9) Loved the little Dr Seuss rhyme. XD

10) Tai Quan Leap XD I adore that sketch. "Ed Gruberman, you have failed to grasp Tai Quan Leap." XD

11) ZOMG DOOM MARINE! :O *dramatic chord*

12) I'd love to see a Dokken/Poison concert. That'd be awesome.

13) GASP!! NOT VENN DIAGRAMS!!

14) Cool sword!

15) Flamingo!? What the hell kind of badass vampire codename is FLAMINGO!? *dies laughing*

Great review! Keep up the good work! XD

Gaz-L said...

Pretty good ep, and absolutely agree that bland may actually be worse than outright bad. At least bad dramatic material can be funny, and either way, you're reacting to the work, but bland elicits no response, and must be difficult to come up with jokes around.

And not that it actually fits the show, but it's sort of interesting that the next issue of Deadpool Team-Up looks to be featuring DP teaming with, of all things, US-1. (They've had to change his name to USAce, but the truck on the cover art tells the story.) No clue what possessed them to do that, but notable, I guess.

Anonymous said...

Who else is getting really tired of all the Yugioh Abridged jokes?

Anonymous said...

A redneck vampire hunter would be cool

Anonymous said...

Great review as always

a comic question i have for you, are you reading Green lantern? if so whats your opinion on the other coloured corps e.g Red lanterns

The House of C.R.P said...

Oh wait, I just remembered a Vampire that can have the name Flamingo appropriately. Vamp from Metal Gear Solid.

Man, when will we have a good Vampire story? We hone-

*Doctor Who: The Vampires of Venice. Coming in Series 5*

.....

OH HELL YES. Series 5 can't come soon enough.

Hans H. Kjølsen said...

Man, that comic was as much all over the place as a guy who threaded on a landmine o.o

Angel is cooler than Buffy though, i love the "After The Fall" comics :)

日本文化のマニアック said...

Why can't more cults dress business casual? Sorry, but you're getting my obligatory Urasawa plug:
http://www.onemanga.com/20th_Century_Boys/34/19/

(This is from an online reader, but the manga is available in English, so pleas buy it; this was just easier than scanning a page from my copy)

That said... wow, if you're going to have one issue to sell your comic (as opposed to having it run in as one of serial magazine) you really do have to sell it in the first issue. Even in the other format, you shouldn't take more than a few chapters to get into the meat of the story. This... even "Pitt #1" made me want to read it, this was just dull. Kudos for taking on the dull and difficult.

Joseph said...

I can sort of see why you went in the "Batman's War on Rock" direction here. I kept waiting for:

"Sunset Sam was sellin' watches from a suitcase on a TV tray,
And Lucy and Ramona were tryin' to figure out if he was gay"
Or Vangelis "Friends of Mister Cairo" When the Peter Lorre dude showed up.
I think I like the more analytic style better than the "Adamantium Rage" style, too.
Panfish, indeed....

Menges said...

Well.... I guess there isnt a huge problem with the begining half... Infact, it might have been supportive for the comic... Y'know, if it had ANYTHING to do with it.

I wish the Doom Marine was in more of the comic though...

Anonymous said...

Dunkelkinder would be German for Dark Children.

YoYoMa said...

Yo Link dude! Dunkelkinder is German for Dark Children.

Not Spoony's Scarlet said...

Ooh, Linkara; why don't you just tell me how you feel so I can dump Spoony and be yours? lol

matthewmk2 said...

That was great. 2nd only to your DOOM review for pure awesome IMHO.

Corey said...

Wow, did that comic actually make a reference to Michael Nesmith's "Cruisin'"? lol wow...

Bob A. Fett said...

Don't quote me on this, but I believe "Dunkelkinder" would be German for Dark Children.

Anonymous said...

Great review! FYI? Dunkelkinder is German for Dark Children. Thank my years living in Germany for that little tidbit!

anthony said...

That was a fine sword ya got there Lewis. Is it sharp or dull? I'd like to see it in future vids. Cool review as always though!

MFlorian said...

Clave? Skrede? In Toto?

How on Earth was this video not doing a running total of "Because Poor Literacy Is Kewl"?

Lizard-Man said...

Its interesting how both you and Nostalgia Critic covered the difficultly of criticising boring media in the same week. I applaud you for getting through it.

Also you got the song "You give love a Bad Name" forever stuck in my head now. Thanks for that. No seriously thanks, thats a good song... and it was hilariously used.

Also can I ask you a question, I need to interview someone for my university class on the creative process. I'm sure your busy, and everything, but don't worry its not due for awhile so we can take time setting up the date, plus it would only take a few minutes of your time to answer some questions. If you don't want to that's fine, I have other people in mind its just that you were my first choice.

If you're interested, let me know of a way to contact you. I'd use Blogger's e-mail contact button, but it only works if you have an e-mail program on your computer and I have none. I do have an e-mail account though. I'd ask you to share your address online, but I know thats risky. What with spam and all. So I was thinking maybe I could make a reply to this comment if you accept, giving my address, you copy it down, then reject the comment (cause I know you have to approve every single one) and then you can reject that comment, send me an e-mail, and I'll reply to you with the questions.

Again, no real pressure, if you don't wanna do this thats fine. I just thought I'd ask. You'd really be helping me out. Thanks.

b2wm said...

Okay, so there is one predatory flamingo who looks a hell of a lot more like Dracula than the Gordon's Fisherman wannabe here, but Havelock Vetinari, sir, you are not.

Though the concept of Havelock in the Sam Cirkal Mamajama, if I may mix my Discworld with my Sluggy Freelance, is more than a little scary... scarier than this cult, at any rate.

Anonymous said...

...Megatron isn't exactly a great name for a vampire either. :)

Inanna said...

He didn't put his mohawk on sideways! He's a Centauri! Dur.

Pfft. Of course they know there's cities outside New York! There's also L.A., Las Vegas, and San Francisco! And sometimes Washington, D.C. if something political needs to happen.

PekoponTAS said...

Too bad the Scarlett Spider didn't show up and beat the snot out of all the characters.