Monday, February 25, 2013

Marville #4

From the man that brought you Marville #1-3... more of the same but worse!


Mountain King said...

I join with your "Ahhhhhhh" and raise you a "GAHHHHHH"

This comic, please. Please make it stop. Every page makes me want to hunt down everyone involved in the creative team and educate them. Preferably with fire. Did anyone with a brain get involved with this? The answer is No. No, no and most impotently NO!

Every line hurts. How is it this thing gets worse? Can it get any more worse? You could write a thesis on just how mind boggling stupid it is. I've heard this phrase before but never has it been so appropriate:- "This comic takes reason, logic, science and decency behind the wood shed and beats it to death with a aluminium bat"

A part of me wants to see just how the next issue tops this one, however For my sanity I honestly can't take it. I don't think you're liver can either. It might be the only way to survive, but is it worth it? (well along as you have a good drink, but I think given the bottle you've finished the Bloodwine and moved on to the sprits Quark uses to polish the dabo wheel)

Marvel lasted SIX issues? Were the people behind Marvel just huffing paint in the writers room?


Here's another science fail you missed (a lot of people do, don't worry) The planet Earth moves in space. Not just orbiting the sun at about 30km per second, but the Sun itself moves though space at about 486 Thousand miles per hour! If the Time machine doesn't move in Space, but only time the planet wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now In the Jurassic era, or even a god damn hour ago! Forget the continuity cock up that "Don't move in space only time" makes. At those speeds our hapless Quartet would be Frozen in deep space from the first trip!

Too good for them!

Miff said...

I like the "Rita terraformed the moon" argument. ;)

jenbrait said...

Hi lewis nice to see you up and well again, i think. I doubt this comic helped.

Volvagia said...

So, that's...four videos down, one or two to go? Frankly, wasn't expecting this series to be slammed down this quickly, considering that Brute Force and US-1 are still on your plate.

Tabitha said...

Nice to see the (justified) return of Drunkara.

Anonymous said...

yeah, because humans never eat other humans...and yes, there are animals who are cannibals, btw. so that whole "tribe" thing is BS.

J.P. Doyle said...

Ah yes, to say "I Need a Freaking Drink" is the only way to open a discussion on Marville. Of course, it was only a matter of time before you had to find a way to stir the pot (you said yourself you like to "screw with expectations"), and what better time than after so much work on a single week commands a two-week break?

Wesley said...

The science alone of this comic,(wait no, not comic) literary abomination makes my brain hurt.

Anonymous said...

Grreeat review ! Just one thing : crudité is a french word for appetizers. You just have to pronounce the é like you would say in pokemon for example. Anyway, now that's gotten rid of, can't wait for your run on the Titans !

Anonymous said...

Well its official. Judging by the ending, Marville has broken Linkara. Quite an accomplishment if you think about it. Amazon's Attack, Countdown, Cry for Justice and hell, even Lady Gaga couldn't do it.

"Ahhhhhhhh" indeed sir. I do predict that by the last issue you will have moved on to black tar heroin. Booze just cant dull the pain enough.

DaveWire said...

Yeah, you screwed up mishbocha. It's pronounced "mish-buh-cha" which the "ch" making that flem sound that so many Hebrew and Yiddish words do.

Kudos to sticking it out with Marville so long. Every time I watch one of these reviews, it just gives me a headache. How could something so blatently horrible exist?

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MissAngel said...

Great review, Lewis. Man, this comic is possibly the worst one you've ever reviewed! This makes the Ultimate Warrior's insanity amusing and coherent in comparison. And it lost so many points the second it dared try to claim the myth about our brains.

Love Pollo's new body. I just hope one of these days he can get some arms -- though when it's possible, of course. And it was awesome seeing your new Gosei morpher. I now have the urge to see you shout in the storyline "It's morphin time! Go go megaforce!" And nice to see Linksano in a review.

Speaking of Marville, this thing makes me die inside. How could Bill Jemas have ever thought this was a good idea? It's offensive to people who care about science, intelligence, storytelling, those who believe in design, etc. He had to have just been trolling us. This could not have been serious, considering it was part of the U Decide contest. (I hope.)

Well, with this out of the way it should be so much easier on you to talk about your favorite comic. Hope you have fun reliving your favorite Titan days. You've beyond earned it after this and Miller Time. Have a nice week.

Marie Nomad said...

This is a great review. Loved Poyo's latest body. Just one thing.

Cuckoo birds don't steal other cuckoo birds nests. The cuckoo birds go to the nests of birds of other species and kill the eggs there and replace them with their own eggs. Also, there are species of cuckoo birds that build their own nests and raise their own chicks.

Just thought I should let you know.

Chelsey Magnuson said...

I thought a comic with raptors would somehow be better. Oh god. I was wrong. So wrong.

Hearing you talk dinosaur was awesome, and thank god you did because if you hadn't ranted at the dino-science, I would've been yelling at the computer screen myself. Hell, I still lost it at the warm-blooded thing - there's evidence dinosaurs /were/ warm-blooded! Aaaagh!

And...Wolverine. Really. Wolverine.

Please excuse me while I go tear off my face.

Peteman said...

Oh for, that should be mishpacha! With a "p" sound!

[not serious] They're not Jewish! They're Jewish posers! Like that guy who in that Seinfeld episode who only wanted to convert for the jokes! [/not serious]

areoborg said...

I think the site ate my comment, so I apologize for repeating myself if the original did make it through.

If only Poyo had working arms, he could have kept the camera in focus as you climbed onto the futon. ;)

The Dragonball Z Abridged clips broke me. And yet, are so, SO accurate.

Here's another science fail you missed (a lot of people do, don't worry) The planet Earth moves in space. Not just orbiting the sun at about 30km per second, but the Sun itself moves though space at about 486 Thousand miles per hour! If the Time machine doesn't move in Space, but only time the planet wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now In the Jurassic era, or even a god damn hour ago! Forget the continuity cock up that "Don't move in space only time" makes. At those speeds our hapless Quartet would be Frozen in deep space from the first trip!"

The correct description would be no independent movement through space, or no relative movement through space (the time machine is moving, but its making the same motions as everything around it). Kind of like how Nightcrawler keeps conservation of momentum when he blampfs from place to place.

Given how stupid everyone in this comic is, do you really think they know the difference?

Anonymous said...

I miss Ted Turner and Jane Fonda. You hear me, Marville? Your stupidly inaccurate science and bizarre arguments about the nature of life and God have me longing for the stupidest comedic plot point in the history of superhero parodies. How the hell did that happen!?

DWP102589 said...

Oh, and another thing, all species kill their own kind, and if anything, humanity is the only one that's CAPABLE OF FEELING BAD ABOUT IT!

Rabbi Joe said...

Well, they mispronounce Hebrew (or Yiddish): it's pronounced with a "p", mishpacha (ch like Scottish loch). It reminds of me when you find Jewish characters reciting Kaddish for the dead in mass media; instead of "sanctifying", the speaker prays for "heaping". Which is appropriate for a heaping pile like Marville.

Sekele said...

The science in this thing really made my head hurt.

If there's something that can make me fly into a murderous rage, it's people not doing any research on the things they are lecturing about.

And there's no damn excuse for it either!
During the time this was published, the internet was already widely available for the public
A simple wiki search could eliminate good 70% of the stupidity seen here!

By the way, a theory about why some fish developed limbs long before entering land, speculates it was so that the fish could cling to rocks whenever it was inconvenient for them to be carried by the stream

On a more positive note.
This episode had probably the best title-card I have seen in quite a while.
Reminds me a bit of this piece of comedy gold

on an unrelated note
some may be interested in the news about IDW's acquisition of licenses for several of Cartoon Network's old canceled shows (which originally had their comic adaptations published by DC)

harmonicajay said...

My brain. It... melting... into... jello. So much stupid.
By the way, Pollo's new body looks an awful lot like the Black Knight from Monty Python without the arms. I want to punch Jemas for this. I haven't been this insulted by a work of fiction since Shinji Akari's bullcrap self-realization from End of Evangelion.

LucasChad said...

I wouldn't be surprised if anyone makes Tin Man jokes from Poilo's new weapons suit. Even the Tin Man has movable arms and he needed oil to move 'em!

Steve said...

You know, I think I figured it out. Bill Jemas is a hardcore creationist who wanted to defame scientific theories with a Springtime for Hitler gambit.

Also, the meteor? Landed during the CRETACEOUS PERIOD. GOD DAMN IT JEMAS.

John Mourby said...

Ok, one little disagreement. I do stand with the Idea that humans are worse than animals. Yeah animals like ants or Gorillas do kill each other. But normally for practical reasons. Humans and cats are the only animals that (as far as I know) take pleasure in hurting other creatures. And even when we aren’t killing each other the number of ways humans can be cruel to each other is near uncountable. The human race kinda sucks (After all, the human race did create Marvile). I'm with Harlan Eilson here. If it weren't for a few shining examples I'd throw the human race to the cockroaches.

But that is the only point on which I will disagree with you on Marvile.
Wow this comic is bad. I feel like bill is trying to start a dialog about The existence of god and evolution. The problem being he doesn’t seem to have any real thoughts or even a personal opinion on the subject. (Seriously I can’t tell whose side he is on) God makes no case for himself but the girl who doesn't believing god keeps on seeing miracles and the impossible and doesn’t react to this at all. This comic makes both sides look like morons! There is no meaningful debate, just random unfinished thoughts thrown together.

Also why does the thing evolve into an amphibian in there's no land inside the guys coat (I can't be bothered to remember their names, can you blame me?). And there must have been thousands of organisms and bacteria in that pool of water, by the book's own logic shouldn't there be thousands of duckbills in the time machine!? AAARRGGHHHHH is indeed the best word to describe it.

What is worse is it almost feels like there is a good idea in the at times. People do often operate under a "with me or against me" mentality, and often for very small things. But rather than exploring why we still hold to such a primitive mantra it's just used as an insult. And then the characters find solace in recognizing the Duckbills as family? I thought the fact that we (according to this book) still think like them was meant to be a bad thing!!!

It's like T H White's 'The book of Merlin', only with no points or message and all its facts wrong.
Defiantly one of the worst comics your ever reviewed, and one of your funniest reviews yet. (Seeing you speechless with rage never old). Great work.

ChaosOverlordZ said...

I should point out as a young child I was mad about dinosaurs.

And some WHERE warm blooded. Though by this time its a drop of water in the ocean of wrong

Rabbi Joe said...

Now I get it! Jemas is trying to develop a pseudo-scientific theory for how women in comics can twist their spines to present both breasts and buttocks simultaneously. Behold the pinnacle of evolution!

Jack Chang said...

So will this be the First Series you're going to torch?

DefectiveType40 said...

That ending is pretty much the perfect punctuation to this travesty. Just... "AAAAAAAAAAH!"

Also, another example of animals killing their own kind? Rabbits will often EAT THEIR YOUNG.

Also, I'm surprised you didn't bring up the fact that humans own pets to refute the "you eat every species but your own" bullcrap. True, a pet is a part of the family, but we also don't eat other people's pets just because they're not ours.

Kth-77 said...

My god, if Linkara gets drunk enough, he can BREAK THE FORTH WALL! Though with the show being called "Atop the Fourth Wall" it was almost expected sooner. this comic hurts me, it hurts every part of my love of science. I also loved your snap-back to the "Holier than thou" moment, there are so many times I want to scream out similar rants.

Shanethefilmmaker said...

31:27 Listen listen. That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Demo Reel got canceled. Linkara makes it now.

Tim P said...

Wow, Linkara must be a lightweight. And by lightweight I mean Doc Brown in BTTF Part 3 lightweight. It only took him the title sequence to go from perfectly functioning and able to do work on Pollo to on the ground with a MASSIVE hangover.

Actually, he's probably worse than Doc Brown because him drinking somehow RETROACTIVELY gave him "What did I do last night?" hangover syndrome! HIS DRINKING BENDS THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM!! XD

...Or it could be the Plot Hole--I LIKE MY ANSWER BETTER!! :D

Falcovsleon20 said...

Nice use of Abridged Frieza there.

Cyrian said...

Allow me to shad some light in this catastrophe.
The Hamlet part was an attempt to an intelligent remark. I don't know where this is from myself, but there is a saying that goes like this: "If you give one million monkeys one million typewriters, you will have one that writes Shakespeare."

I am not shure if you did not already knew that, giving the Simpsons clip you played but just in case you did not, I hope it helped.
If you were already informed about this: Sorry! ;-)

Orion II said...

What's even stupider this comic missed? The KT event (generally regarded as the rock that gave the Dinosaurs a fatal headache) wasn't the first extinction event in Earth's history, nor the biggest.

In fact, there have been Five (5!) major extinction events in Earth's history. The KT event was simply the most recent and best publicized. The third, if I'm not mistaken was by FAR the largest as it resulted in over 90% of ALL life on earth dying.

Ironically, the Dinosaurs themselves were the beneficiaries of such an event - between the Triassic and the Jurassic periods there was another even that led to the rise of dinosaurs as the dominant life on earth.

Amusing how the comic fails to report THAT little factiod, eh?

Melissia said...

You know... after all that STUPID that was the Marville... I feel like listening to that song at the end some more.

I feel the need to be reminded again that humans CAN create enjoyable things.

Anonymous said...

Good GOD!! I had to pause the review after every stupid-ass page, just to throw a fit of my own! It's so stupid!

Especially the Einstein thing. NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!

Kaze3173 said...

Huh, the lizards from Voyager look really similar to Japanese giant salamanders. Also thank you for introducing me to SFDebris. I would like to suggest that you try to do a crossover with him some time.

Anonymous said...

Is it bad that I really REALLY want to see where this comic's insane plotline leads?

Alex Kane said...

Hey Linkara! I know you asked for commercial bump suggestions way in the before time (the long long ago) but I finally stopped being too lazy to comment! So let's say you're reviewing something from an established franchise, Spider-Man for instance, you could do a bit where you're doing something while singing/humming the theme song, then do a "We'll be right back" thing. Full Example: You're making a sandwich and singing "Does whatever a spider can. Spins a -oh, we'll be right back." Then after commercial licking your fingers or brushing off crumbs humming the melody with a "We're back now." Simple and ties in to the review.

Doresh said...

Why? Why did nobody stop this madness Oo ?!

How about male lions who - after having replaced the old leader - usually proceed to kill ever single lion cub of his predecessor?
And who could forget chimpanzees, whose males can have a certain tendency towards mass-murder and cannibalism?
Or those cute male dolphins who are known to brutally gang rape female dolphins?

So wait, the carnivore dinosaurs can't talk? Great, the time machine brought them to the Land Before Time O_o

Of course, we don't use all of our brain - at the same time. Every region of our brain has a specific task and function which is not always needed. There are however cases where we use pretty much all our brain - it's called a seizure. Having your entire brain send signals at the same time is a bit confusing for the body.

And from what I can gather, the first fish with legs used said legs to crawl on the bottom of the sea. They probably wanted to keep a low profile from predators.

P.S.: Won't somebody think about the molecules?!

(Oh, and Poyo's looking pretty neat ^^)

C-Puff said...

Fun fact regarding animals killing each other! Chimpanzees are often known to have turf wars with each other, where large groups will attack individuals from other groups, kill them and EAT THEM. Why? No idea! We have no clue! They just like being canibals I guess. or if you wanna argue 'Chimps are humans' closest relatives' then how about arctic foxes? There's easy to find documentary footage of male foxes murdering a vixen's entire brood so that HE can mate with her instead. Lions do this VERY often as well. GAH! I HATE the 'Only humans kill their own species' argument bullshit!!

Also, why do otters have a bird's nest? is that what otters really do? How is it that there's so much stupid in this comic you couldn't even GET to all of it?!

Although I am curious about how coelacanths would fit into this whole mess. Coelacanths are fish with primitive legs but they've remained unchanged for 30 million years or something and live in the deep depths of the ocean. Why would they have legs at all? Just a thought. This comic actually inspired some thought in me!! Will wonders never cease?

I was hoping this would be the issue where Wolverine shows up. Oh well, looking forward to next time though.

Also... many dinosaurs were warm blooded. Or at the very least something slightly in between if I remember correctly.

You crack me up so hard in the Marville episodes Linkara XD and Poyo had me rolling.

This comic.. ..oh lord this accomic....

JB said...

I am ashamed to say, I actually like one of the characters : Mickey.
Hear me a moment : From the panels shown in thhis and the previous reviews, I think Jemas was going for a companion-like character, a la Jo Grant, an everyday woman whose silly questions served as an excuse for the time traveller and godlike creature to spill his wise advices. Thanks to the author's lack of talent, it spectacularly backfires : instead of justifying exposition by supposedly advanced beings, she points out Al stupid antics in the first 2 issues and punches holes in Jack's pseudo-science and new-age BS.
Also, she has a genuine sense of wonders, with her wanting to witness an important, historical event (the death of Adric) while the main character whines next to her.

Gregg said...

Wait... this comic sucks up joy for evil deeds? Does... Does it work for Turles?

Jessica said...

Linkara you hit the nail on the head about the animals killing other animals, nature is BRUTAL not a fluffy petting zoo, in fact one of my favourite quotes from an entomologist " If ants had nuclear weapons, they would probably end the world in a week."

oh and to John Mourby

actually researchers have observed dolphins and chimpanzees killing members of their own species and other species for what seems to be for their own amusement, in fact it seems the more intellegent the species, the more likely "killing for fun" seems to occur

platinum said...

I had this face the minute we started with the science fail: D:

It got worse as time went on.

Jesus H. Christ, how in the hell does one get so much science WRONG in one issue of a comic?! You learn all this crap as early as middle school! GAAAAAH! DX

Good review Linkara. Godspeed on the last 3 issues ( ><;).

P.S. The K-T Extinction killed 75% of life on Earth, not 90%. And the fact that they saw the meteor itself hit the Earth implies that Kal bought a house in Mexico and made Mickey and Lucy move with him, if the whole 'the time machine is located where Kal's house is in the future'. That, and the time machine should've fallen in the OCEAN after the meteor hit.

Stupid comic. >':/

Gonzo said...

...Pretty sure that that asteroid killed slightly less than 99% of all life on Earth, but why am I even complaining? Jemas thinks Wolverine evolved from a Jurassic-born OTTER. We have bigger problems.

It's a sad day indeed when the Land Before Time sequels are made to look scientifically accurate. And entertaining. Gah.

Max said...

If I may, the word "crudité" is French for vegetables. Got to use my Quebecois origins to help out, I guess.

Anonymous said...

And I thought the dialogue for the last issue was stupid. I admit, this series doesn't have the vibe of horribufuckness that some other stuff you reviewed has, but still, this issue is one of the most nonsensical things I've ever seen, so I get your hate for it. Also, I was hoping that when they watched the ocean that they would get eaten by a megalodon. Not that I think it would make sense for it to think the time machine was food, but it's worse than everything else in this thing.

Cryptix said...

Oh god, why did this continue. Who was signing off on this? Was there someone actually *reading* it? Was there a demand for this?

I almost feel bad saying that your pain brightened up a rather poorly-begun Monday. <3

Others have already commented on the animals-killing-their-own-young thing, so I won't go there, but I *will* point out that you only need to look at a couple Cracked articles about animals to find that they are just as capable of massive dickery as any given human. The idea that only humans are capable of such-and-such cruelty is pretty much bull-pocky.

I've always hated the Humans Are Bastards trope, especially when it's contrasted with a bullshit Holier Than Thou race like the duckbills here. UGH.

Makes me want to go read the Megamorph where the Animorphs went back in time and ran into dinosaurs and some colonizing aliens...

Lotus Prince said...

Don't you mean that duck-billed dinosaurs were common in Cretacious Park? :-P

Anonymous said...

Ok I watched this about 3-4 hours ago and I think I just stopped screaming into a pillow venting over the epic failures of this.

Nothing can Age or Evolve inside the Time Machine avoiding that is why the damned machine was created in the first place. To allow those inside to pass through time contrary to its normal progression.

You ever get the feeling that there are people who have read this that are dumb enough to attempt killing Ted Turner and Jane Fonda to erase it from reality?

Because I can't think of anyone smarter than that which this could have been targeted at as an audience.

jason todd said...

On you're teen titans month will u be reviewing the culling?

Also could you review MARVEK now comics like u dI'd with new 52? My favs are FF, Fantastic Four and All-New X-Men

The Casual Catholic said...

So the monkey hamlet bit is actually an argument for protein synthesis. basically Protein structures are determined by 20 individual "letters" and their various combinations. The argument states that it would be possible but not probable for the exact code for a functioning protein to come up randomly. Considering that one letter out of thousands could completely ruin the entire protein and make it non-functioning, the monkey randomly typing out hamlet it not a bad comparison. There is a counter argument, but I shall post that only if you care for me to do so.

InsertAuthorHere said...

Yep, your reaction to this...thing is pretty much the same one I had. I have never, in my entire life, read anything this utterly brainless and pretentious at the same time.

I applaud you for the whole "Humans aren't the only creatures who kill their own kind" rant. For all of humanity's faults, being the only species capable of cruelty is not one that is exclusive to us. We are animals, and animals have a tendency to be dicks, even to each other. I'm frankly sick of people using this one line over and over again to say that humans are horrible monsters in some way.

Nothing in this comic works. The art is barely passable at best. The characters are such assholes that they're not even worth giving the time of day. The philosophy is so stupid that a kindergartner could poke holes in it, and the science...must never be called science for fear of ruining something genuinely good in the world.

I'm actually starting to miss the stupid parody crap from the first two issues. It wasn't funny, but it wasn't as infuriating as this.

Will said...

The Pollo hand problem is easy to fix, Just give him tractor Beams. It is easier to fake objects flying around and the visual effect can hide any wires or fishing line.

Anonymous said...

Not only is Mountain King correct about the Earth moving through space, but 150 million years ago the continents themselves weren't in the same places they are now. In fact, until the Middle Jurassic the continent layout was the infamous Pangaea. That time machine should by rights have dropped straight into the sea.

Marville is... I think the word I'm looking for is 'unique', isn't it?

At least, I certainly *hope* it is. I'd hate to think there were others like this.

Anonymous said...

Um...exactly when has a human eaten a cow because they were enemies? We eat cows because we want fuel.

And apparently the duckbilled dinosaurs have never experienced resource scarcity or the threat that a member of the group is a threat to the general group.

Then there's Jack- no. You know what? I am giving him a new name until Linkara does. He is not Jack. Jack is too dignified for this brain dead creationist-spewing excuse of a deity. He is Ignorance Man.

Then there's Ignorance Man's point about Einstein (ignoring all the falsehoods about it and the fact that Einstein was actually working off of research done by many other scientists) is still invalid because throughout human history I don't think there has been a single scientific advancement that has not had both civilian and military applications. Using Ignorance Man's logic, humans should never have developed the ability to HOLD a stick because we would develop the ability to hit people with sticks. And I don't want to hear any bull about how nuclear weapons are such a threat to humanity's continued existence. If that's the case, then what about biological weapons? We've been able to use those in one form or another for thousands of years and we've gotten very good at figuring out how to use them. Why doesn't Ignorance Man say that Louis Pasteur was a mistake when he helped establish modern medicine including knowledge of GERMS.

And then it tries to argue that life is too complex to come about naturally, conveniently ignoring the fact that we live in a universe so vast that it's actually less probable that life wouldn't come into existence. We are talking many billions of years across a universe so large we aren't even likely to ever leave our own galaxy, much less explore it.

Yeah, I think it's pretty blatantly obvious that this was just being written to promote creationism. Please note the serious effort to prevent the pro-evolution voice from ever actually sounding reasonable.

Minor note Linkara. There are actually presently about seven billion humans on Earth.

thorondragon said...

poyo really wants arms huh? can;t blame him.

dear GOD i feel like i devolved just listening to this moronic thing. whatever factors made me a sapient being are regressing and soon i will become a gorilla in both mind and body.

oh god, what is with all of thsi bull philosophy? the horrendous science is bad enough, but then they want us to feel bad about creatures eating one another, even when they are molecules. GAAAAH!!! that is the only word for thsi, a feral cry fo disgust.

msot creatures kill one another, that is a fact..... although when it comes back to us humans, we are one of the few that will kill for none survival reasons. a lion will take over a lion pride and kill all the cubs, but that is becuase it wants its own biological nature to pass on and wants its own children to be focused on.
lions don't run around knifing living things so they can get a drug fix.

i never heard of gorrillas killing intruders so often. i know if you are attacked by a gorilla, so long as you just lie down and prove you are not a threat it will leave you be, which is probably what happens to a wild gorrila in that circumstance. i know that males are prone to duel each other to the death at times.

think you meant chimpanzees. those fuckers are EVIL bastard. they will actively kill other chimps who come into their teritory and even tear off their testicles. a gorilla just wants you gone, a chimp wants you dead. make me wish chimps and gorrilals shared territory, and see if those bastard chimps even stand a chance agaisnt a gorrilla.
kind a bad thing that we are so closely related to chimpanzees.

also heard about that ten percent thing. not sure if it is a myth or not, though i know our brains are largely active as a whole. perahps the ten percent is the amount we actually use of our brain's total capacity, like only running a certain amount of a computer's processing power. even if you only use a g of information space ona computer, the entire computer is active.

...... dont think your blood wine is gonna help you through the next marville. you should try Ryncol from Mass Effect. guaranteed to knock you on your god damn ass..... or kill you, one of the two.
it is made by an incredibly durable species called the Krogan, and made for them as well.

PopCultureOtaku said...

Oh god. Yeah I mention this before I never made it past issue 2. Looking to see how bad theses are I'm glad I didn't waste my money. Again makes me glad peter david (get better soon pad) won the bet. His Captain Marvel was so much better.
I never thought of this but I just did. Who does the voice of poyo or where does it come from?

Anonymous said...

I almost thought you were gonna have another "Combine Harvester@ moment

Anonymous said...

Luckily we have 2 (3 if you count the submissions guide) more issues to go! Signed, Anonymous Commenter #2

The Composer said...

Great review as always, and I feel all the pain. But there was a joke I was anticipating that just never showed itself.

*organisms evolving inside the time machine*

Adam said...

So Ted Turner can karate-chop an entire meteor shower, but God's stumped on one asteroid that's millions of years away?

My mind.... "Yay for Tonic" is all I can muster, after watching that.

Anonymous said...

Please stop the pain of this comic it hurts my brain so much.

Jesse said...

I'm going to stick with what I said in my comment regarding the last Marville comic, and just add that in addition to thinking that it was way better when it was just trying to be the kind of bad parody a fifth grader might write, I find it hard to give a great god-damn, if you'll forgive the language, about this issue because I would have stopped buying it after the last one.

I mean seriously, I'd say they were just pulling these things out of their asses as they went along, but that would imply that I thought the folks behind this had even the slightest idea of what they were talking about to begin with. And this book went on for another two issues like this before it wound up ending or getting cancelled? Needless to say, I'm more than a little dumbfounded.

I must applaud you for your ability to review books like this, Linkara. Just the things you tell us about in the reviews hurts. I can't imagine trying to actually read this stuff myself. At least not without stealing your booze first. Thanks for doing this for us, man!

AmuroNT1 said...

My God, the stupid hurts. It's like having your head in a vice. How on Earth could Bill Jemas possibly think this pseudo-philosophical, nonsensical BS would be popular?

I get that at first he was trying to do commentary on pop culture and the comics industry. The problem there is, he resorted to the Family Guy method of parody: that is, have the parody subject walk on, deliver a self-effacing one-liner, and then walk off. But this issue and the last one...just ow.

I'm not trying to start a debate of evolution vs. creationism, but Mickey's bald-faced denial of the facts that she has SEEN HAPPENING BEFORE HER VERY EYES is just insane. It's one thing to be suspect of something that has only vague evidence, but when you have proof handed to you on a silver platter in a way that no other human being could witness, and you STILL don't believe it, you've officially crossed the line from skeptic to certifiable lunatic.

pablo Gerbasi said...

i shall become in what i always hate. an asshole of the internet. BUT you are a little wrong about evolution (but to be honest so does most of the people who hadn´t studied before.
evolution is about adaptation, but what you where saying made thing of Lamarkism (the giraffe neded long neck, so with generations their necks got longer) while actually is more (the jiraffes with the longer neck where able to eat better and screw more jiraffes passing on their longer-neck genes)the reason of why is so hard to comprehend is because its really counter-intuitive and when you see the complexity of some organisms you wonder ¨how many freaking coincidenses and mutations had to ocurr in order for fucking Mangoolin to look the way it looks¨
makes you think how long is the history of the earth, to have the time to create so many complex beings

JerryScott said...

OH DEAR GOD THIS COMIC SUCKS! But on another subject, nice to see that the 2 Pollos are completed. He still wants arms. GIVE HIM ARMS! But I kid. Also, about the Time Travel cliche of "When are we?" The only instances of that that pops into my head are the lines from BTTF Pt. I & II were Doc says, "The appropriate question is 'WHEN the hell are they?'" and when Marty says, "Doc, where are we- WHEN are we?" I always just write those off as that Doc was just making a silly joke, and that Marty just learned from Doc and thought that was the correct term. But enough of that, back to the review. Very good, Lewis. Marville is gonna just get stupider and stupider until the crowning acheivement of idiocy that is Issue #7.

Frosty said...

I don't get people who had complained about Marville being on the show before. I could have easily watched all the rest of the issues at once. Though... it'd maybe cause you severe brain damage... xD

Awesomely fun review! :)

Jarkes said...

Haven't finished the episode yet (In fact, I still haven't watched the concluding episodes of the Gunslinger storyline), but seeing the Gosei Morpher made me wonder what you think of Megaforce so far.

Which actually reminds me: I know you've said you don't really care about the Sentai, but when you finally finish the Mystic Force review, you probably SHOULD talk about how the Sentai version, Magiranger, had a very complex and specific magic system that Mystic Force... basically threw out the window.

Anonymous said...

About the fish-with-legs thing, it could be a case of neutral evolution. You see, not every new characteristic of a living being is advantageous or disadvantageous for them, sometimes they can just be there, without making difference (i.e. pandas have a thumb-like 6th finger that doesn't help nor disturb them). Of course, in case the environment changes, the extra characteristic could either continue useless or mean the the difference between life or death.

Zephyr7990 said...

Let us not forget that all of this madness began with a time machine made from Playstation parts. Just keep in mind that someone thought this plot point should be the linchpin to their entire mini-series. The pebble that starts the avalanche, if you will.

Andrew MacKinnon said...

YEAGGHHH!!! Einstein was not involved with the Manhattan Project. All he did was discover the theory of general relativity which describes the physical properties of the universe that allow nuclear weapons to function. You might as well blame a plane crash on Newton because he discovered gravity.

This damned comic fills me with a rage beyond my ability to describe. Bill Jemas, YOU. ARE. AN. IDIOT!!!

Amesang said...

A-At least this issue had a nice looking cover, for a number of reasons. Alright, so that's piggish of me to say that but.. gosh darn it, I need to latch onto something to keep my sanity (aside from Tonic; haven't listened to that song in ages, oh thank you thank you thank you for playing it).

Sigh.. as had been inferred above, I need to go and listen to some "Warrior Wisdom" in order to set my mind at ease. Where'd I put that copy of issue #1?

(And were I ever to get the chance, I would love to have Linkara and Spoony sign it.)

Lizard-Man said...

Crap, Mountain King's comment has forced me to break out my Atomic Robo trade just to read the Doctor Dinosaur story again. I love that crazy raptor. I think this is my favourite part of the comic:

Dr. D: Behold! Crystalized Anti-Gravity!

Robo: That's great. I'm going to shoot you now.

Dr. D: Imbecile! You'll kill us both! The crystals power this entire station!

Robo: I thought you said it was the Anti-Gravity crystals.

Dr. D: It can do a lot of things.

I have to wonder if Doctor Dinosaur's general ignorance of his own species in the comic has to do with the fact he read Marville after he got out of whatever genetics lab spawned him. (What? Its obvious he's not a time traveller.) It would explain a lot, even Jurassic Park didn't screw up this much.

Oh and just for fun, Atomic Robo says its impossible for Dinosaurs to talk because they don't have a larynx. I don't care how advanced Snorts' voicebox is, he ain't talking! I'm starting to wonder if Jemas got most of his information from Voyager. Between Threshold and the Episode with the duckbill space dinos, I'm seeing a lot of similarities between it and the comic.

I implore everyone to read Atomic Robo instead of this comic. Head to Comixology, sign up and purchase the Free Comic Day issue called "Why Atomic Robo hates Doctor Dinosaur." It's a million times smarter and funnier than this stupid waste of paper.

Good work on this review Linkara. I agree with your "AHHHH!" as a dinosaur nerd.

Sephiroth1204 said...

If those Duckbills were actually Jewish, they wouldn't spell 'Mishpacha' as 'Mishbucha' :P
(Your pronunciation was off, as you said, but that's ok. English doesn't really have many words with 'ch' being guttural. As crass as this example is, it's like the sound when you are trying to spit. The sounds is of a diacritical 'h' if you want to use more academic terms)
But yeah, having the Duckbills randomly use a Hebrew word is...weird. I'm not the offended type, though :P Great review as always! There are lots of moments I burst out laughing :)

Laughing Hyena said...

As they watch Horses evolve?

So I take it they are now in SOUTH America rather than North America. Geez...
Also Horse species eventually die out in America, and only get reintroduced back thanks to the Spaniard Conquistadors.

"What about those dinos in sea and air?"
Way too many people make this mistake thanks to toy companies putting these guys and Dimetrodons in plastic tubes with toy dinosaurs and then calling them all dinosaurs. It's also odd that the same toy companies don't put any of the Crocodilia species that were also competing/living with the dinosaurs and just call them dinos as well.

Sea too cold for cold-blooded reptiles... What stupid BS nonsense is this? By the way, fish, who were COLD-BLOODED too, survived. Why do we still have fish and sharks around, comic?

"Paleontologists are ancestor worshipers"
ARRRGGHHH! *Headdesk, *Headdesk*.
Many mythological creatures are examples of ancient people trying to explain real and fossilized animals that existed or no longer exist that they saw. In cases where only a fossilized leg bone was found, people used that to get to the idea of giant humans.
This is why I hate it when people say Paleontology is a young science field compared to other sciences. It is not.

The Greeks collected bones and put them in their shrines to worship them. And there is some proof that they did.
But they didn't do it as ancestor worship, they were worshiping heroes and gods. As the Greeks thought heroes like Heracles were larger than life, so to speak.

Also modern Paleontologists are not ancestor worshipers either. They are trying to figure how this ancient creature lived and operated. Are Zoologists, animal worshipers then?

I hate this comic, sooo much.
Where's Gary and Eric when you need them? (Dino kid from the 80's).

Voldine said...

This comic...makes my brain hurt in interesting ways.

Also, I LOATHE to give this comic the benefit of the doubt, but there is a known species of Raptor native only to the North American continent; Utahraptor ostrommaysorum.

Fun fact, Utahraptor was discovered around the time that filming was starting on the movie Jurassic Park, and the early bits and pieces of fossils found were used to provide a scale for the 'velociraptors' used in that movie. Fossils are still fragmentary, but suggest an animal about twice the size of Deinonychus on average with the largest fragmentary specimens being about the same weight as a grizzly bear and about 7 meters long.

They're still Cretaceous period though, early Cretaceous.

TheFlyingPhoton said...

There is gravity on the moon...

Anonymous said...

You know what? If they had gone with the 'Jewish dinosaur' thing all the way, well, it probably would still be a dumb and pointless comic, but at least it would've been amusing and somewhat unique. Imagine dealing with a rabbi stegosaurus, or finding out how diplodocuses celebrate their bar mitvahs. You could even have Woody Allen as a pteranodon.

In fact, that's what they should do for the next JP movie. "Jurassic Park: Oy Vey."

Benjamin J said...

Great review. Also: Consider making stuffed Pollo dolls at some point down the line. They'd sell like crazy.

Anonymous said...

So to get through Marville comics you have to get so drunk that you wake up the next morning(?) with strange morphers, are the new morphers worth it? Also, I'm pretty sure you got the camera drunk too.

This comic fails at science. As a science teacher (or wanna be at least), I feel the need to smack the idiot...I mean wait both are right.

Wasn't it in one of the previous Marville comics where you said "this comic makes an excellent argument for Satan?" Well either way that line applies here too.

Crudités is a raw vegetable platter, you ever been to a gathering and somebody brought one of those trays of carrots, celery and the like with a dip? Crudité.

You like dinosaurs don't you?

Al's a class-based racist apparently, or anti-Reptile at least.

Good Shakespeare reference.

I'm almost surprised Linksano didn't take over the review to point out all the stupidity in the science in this one.

I'd call it a great review...but somehow the thought of something great connected to Marville seems like it would cause the world to explode. And hang on Pollo, Linkara can't screw up the arms in all three bodies, can he?

Nicole said...

Yey a new a video as a reward for finishing all your other videos for first time!

Jack seems weirdly powerful and incompetent depending on the needs of the "plot".

Was disappointed to find out to late you and Lupa were in Texas recently and I missed you! Hopefully I will be better prepared for next time.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, this is stupid. But in my admittedly limited experience, most philosophy tends toward stupidity on some level. People have a way of inventing ludicrous scenarios to "prove" their point... often while leaving a valid counterpoint or even disproof in their argument. I'll accept that we're worse than animals in this regard; they seem to just roll with it for the most part.

I have seen nothing to dissuade me from the notion that this is a fucked up take on the sacrament of communion. But, then again, if I cared I'd actually read the comic.

It just occurred to me that Atop the Fourth Wall probably ends with Pollo getting arms...

Unknown said...

So, just hear me out, what if Bill Jemas is deliberately saying things so catastrophically stupid as a form of some kind of sick, demented parody? What if he's just trolling his entire audience, no, all beings of rational thought?

I honestly don't know which possibility I find more disturbing: that he's trolling logic itself, or that he's really just that stupid.

Also, Pollo can flip light switches now. That's a serious improvement! What's he so mad about?

Mr. Saturn said...

You'd hope that the entire purpose of this terrible science is to make fun of the often very bad science found in comic books. But somehow I'd doubt that.

It seems to me that Jemas just wanted to go on an anti-human rant.

Rhodoferax said...

Your science was actually really accurate, so kudos. A couple of things:

1: Velociraptors were actually about the size of chickens, so that's another error.

2: Early fish evolved legs to move about at the bottom of rivers, lakes, and oceans by pulling themselves along on the ground. When the water got particularly low, these fish had an advantage in being able to move around better and thus hunt prey or find deeper water where they could breath. You can see this today in fish like mudskippers and climbing perch.

3: As well as the dickishness of gorillas, chimpanzees occasionally form a gang, invade another troop's territory, and beat a rival chimp senseless just for fun. Oh, and cats torture their prey, also for fun.

4: The whole idea of where you draw the line between life and non-life can actually result in a really interesting philosophical discussion. For example, most of use would agree that lipids, proteins, and nucleic acids are not themselves alive, but if you make a bubble with a lipid bilayer and stick the right proteins and DNA into it, suddenly you have a simple cell. Too bad this comic is too stupid to explore that notion.

>Here's another science fail you missed (a lot of people do, don't worry) The planet Earth moves in space. Not just orbiting the sun at about 30km per second, but the Sun itself moves though space at about 486 Thousand miles per hour! If the Time machine doesn't move in Space, but only time the planet wouldn't be anywhere near where it is now In the Jurassic era, or even a god damn hour ago! Forget the continuity cock up that "Don't move in space only time" makes. At those speeds our hapless Quartet would be Frozen in deep space from the first trip!

Mountain King, there's a British comic called Strontium Dog where small time machines that work on precisely that basis are a familiar, albeit expensive, weapon. They work by sending the target a few seconds into the future, by which time the planet has moved on, so the victim freezes to death in empty space.

>Cuckoo birds don't steal other cuckoo birds nests. The cuckoo birds go to the nests of birds of other species and kill the eggs there and replace them with their own eggs. Also, there are species of cuckoo birds that build their own nests and raise their own chicks.

ACTUALLY, when baby cuckoos hatch, they push the other eggs out so the parents will only feed them. However, there is at least one bird whose chick has evolved to push out cuckoo eggs.

Ellipsis Flood said...

Owww, right in the science. *cringes*

There's so much bull in this, it hurts the 100% of my brain that work. I think I need to scream into my pillow now.

Also, this episode features one of your best WHAT faces. How can something be so damn stupid? Kudos for managing to read through this.

Anonymous said...

Also, a question asked of stupid would presumably have a stupid answer. Thus the ducks are obviously named after the duckbills.

Marc_Sketch said...

what's really sad about this is that I could write a more scientifically plausible story than a professional writer, and I failed my tenth grade Science class FOUR TIMES!

one of your other commenters has noted that the sentience of these dinosaurs is similar to that of the Land Before Time films, and I have a similar rant; to start, this comic seems hellbent on Snorty being a "Duckbill", when you were able to clearly identify the species as Hadrosaur... except that "Duckbill" is Bluth's name for Parasaurolophus, not Hadrosaur. but I can see the comparison, and I'm sure Marzgurl will be able to better confirm this.

also, based on this, you have a new "Missed Opportunity" of accenting the Deinonychus attack with a clip of the Land Before Time kids yelling "Sharptooth!!"

um cara aí said...

Dammit Linkara you only had one job!

Leor613 said...

It's already been pointed out, but I'll repeat it for emphasis: Bill Jemas' grasp of Hebrew and Yiddish is about as good as his grasp of evolutionary biology, geology and paleontology. The word should be spelled "mishpacha", and is pronounced "Mish-pah-kha" in Hebrew and "Mish-pu-khuh" in Yiddish.

I would be willing to cut Jemas some slack over a typo, but the whole existence of Marville and the U-Decide contest that Jemas and Joe Quesada forced Peter David into to keep Captain Marvel from being cancelled are too upsetting.

Basically this travesty of a story is a poor man's Doctor Who story. I doubt that the Doctor would let any of these three morons become one of his companions, because the Last of the Time Lords has standards.

There is one way to explain talking Hadrosaurs without delving into discredited pseudo-science, and that's classic Marvel pseudo-science! The Hadrosaurs were mutated by the Celestials. There, I just won a No-Prize! Also, if Al and his idiot friends were on Earth when life first appeared, where was Uatu the Watcher? He should have been there, watching. Maybe he worried about the hit to his dignity from appearing in this piece of dreck, and would have preferred getting sucker punched by Red Hulk.

Cat C said...


As someone who spent their childhood loving dinosaurs, researching them and had most of my pre-high school years wanting to be a Paleontologist this comic has given me a nervous twitch for the moment.

I have this urge to go watch 3 hours of PBS's Dinosaur Train to cleanse my mind. Sure it's a cartoon about talking dinosaurs but they get the science FAR FAR more accurate than this thing.

Yes, singing dinosaurs and a series where a T-Rex is part of a Pteranodon family is far more knowledgable about what dinosaurs are and how/when they lived and functioned than this thing.

Even if warm blood dinosaurs weren't as accepted then, it has nothing to do with their spines.

Am trying very hard to just not start rambling about dinosaurs and trying to not repeat things others have said.

Episode was damn funny, though. Loved the DBZ Abridged clips.

Pollo, can't you used the mobile emitter tech to move things? Make force fields to pick things up and manipulate them?

Anonymous said...

It's "mishpacha", not "mishbouka", pronounced meesh-pah-CHAH. You could have looked that up really easily.

FugueforFrog said...

Yeah...Marville...I think I've said all that I need to. I remember reading of the whole "otter who becomes Wolverine" part, which makes me wonder how that happened...outside there being no real otter superheroes. (seriously we need more mustelid superheroes! Power to the mustelids!!!)

BTW: funny that we had hadrosaurs and velociraptors running around considering the latest Sentai that premiered a couple weeks back. Hopefully the PR adaptation of THAT makes more sense than this.

Can someone give Poyo a hand? :P

Doug Puthoff said...

Y'know. MARVILLE makes me realize what a well-written series SECRET WARS was.

But seriously folks, this was a classic--the review, that is. The comic itself was a classic in the way "Manos" was. Bad science, bad philosophy, even bad pseudo-science. Are editors-in-chief at Marvel given permission to write the most pitiful garbage and have it published? Was Jemas trying to skewer the comic book industry and its fans ala Joe Q. with "One more day."

I can't wait for the rest of this.

Anonymous said...

Tonic. You thought of Tonic.

This is why YOU are awesome and others are not.
(I wore the HELL out of my copy of "Lemon Parade" and got their autographs after a show. Great band!)

Luis Angulo said...

If you review Marville #5, we might have to stage an intervention. As Bart from Blazzing Saddles put it:

"Man why you do that to yourself?"

Nick Noel said...

can I ask has there ever been a reason or explanation for why Marville went from being a Parody to well what ever the hell issues 3 and 4 are supposed to be?

David 2 said...

I'm still waiting to see what the redhead in the bikini has to do with the story!

Also, as I am enjoying the BBC's 50th anniversary retrospect on Doctor Who (and right now they're up to the Second Doctor), I think I can say that you just insulted every incarnation of Doctor Who by comparing time travel in Marvelle to anything associate with Doctor Who.

But I'll just mark that up to temporary insanity because you had to review the issue.

Rowan Le Fey said...

Finally *hugs* we have pollo’s 1st new body. Ooh and a new morpher, squee! 2 new morphers?

@ 5:20 - we have 67 million year old fossilized dinosaur poo that shows grass…. 2 million years b4 the dinos were destroyed. Good try though.

@ 5:52 – Technically…. It’s arguable that all matter in this universe is in some form or another alive but that they are just life forms we don’t yet understand. If you listen to the ppl who talk about the resonances of crystals, and I'm sure u don’t, b/c the atoms are in a constant state of motion and passing energy and info on to each other they are a base form of life lower than any presently recognized by science. But you’re right, that form of life you don’t have to feel bad for b/c the concepts of pain and destruction are meaningless to them.

@ 5:24 - If the comic had suggested that you honor loss instead of grieve about it, it would have actually made the comic far more profound.

@ 7:29 – both? Part of the process was design and part was chance. Science has figured out that 3 of the 4 compounds that make our DNA occur naturally in nature. Therefore if the lv's of the 4 major forces of the universe had been slightly different and the universe didn’t form the way it formed because of those 4 forces our DNA wouldn’t have formed the way it formed. This pattern keeps repeating from the micro to the macro. Therefore the universe itself did super-computer design life to function in this universe. However, what then evolves is a new mixture of Darwinism and the luck . Nature is made in a never ending fractal pattern; from the contours of your skin to the peaks of mountains, all fractals.

@ 8:43 perhaps Jemis was trying to suggest that Jack is god, god has self identity issues (which would be hilarious), and Jack considers time to be the same as space because both are part of the same fabric. If that is true jack calling it Jurassic Park makes sense because for a god, which Jack is claiming to be, the world is a playground and we all know playgrounds are parks.

Note: I’m not trying to be a troll; it gives me joy to pass my info & logic to others.

@ 9:56 … I guess, I liked the time Martha did in on Dr. Who because I feel like they did it differently.

@ 11:06 Correct!

@ 11:15 That could end soo badly. “Here let’s watch the Ebola virus evolve”

@ 12:55. Incorrect. A single being can evolve 1 @ a time. Because the initial genetic mutation that occurred to cause said creature a greater chance @ life & babies was the progenitor of that new species. For the same genetic mutation to occur in hundreds of individuals of any species simultaneously without a progenitor or a scientist making it happen is pretty close to impossible. Therefore a single member of the previous species can & truly must be a single member of a new species before more can come. For example, did you know that most white people with European roots descended from Charlemagne; look it up. (Also this speaks volumes about how much Charlemagne got around.)

@ 13:18 with the rate human intelligence is decreasing I would be completely unsurprised if the human race split off into an evolved form homo-superior and a devolved, non-sapient being.

@ 17:59 crudités are cut up raw vegetables. They are a finger food served with a dipping sauce for parties.

@ 23:42 that was also only recently discovered. I was trained in medicine and the idea we use only 10% of our brains is still TAUGHT. So I would say outdated sci. Good try.

@ 24:58 Great argument! I think if ppl used more of their brain there would be less hate and misery in the world.

@ 26:10 or god is making up a BS excuse for eliminating the dinos.

@ 27:03 that might b possible depending on how long a dino generation was.

Rowan Le Fey said...

@ 27:49 I’m critiquing the comic here: the only mass extinction to reach those numbers was at the end of the Permian period. It only wiped out 90% of life on earth. The dino extinction wiped out 50 - 60% of all life. Not 99.9% arg! Also, the panels should have been much darker, as most of the light would have been blocked out. Also if it’s an otter in the past it will still b an otter in the future b/c the otter won't have evolved in that time!

@ 28:03 It's the kind of time travel device that only lets them observe not interact?

@ 28:22 I think he meant plesiosaurs… but his editor only knew pterosaurs and changed it.

@ 30:32 The common argument I see creations use is that if you put a million monkeys in a room with a million type writers they wouldn’t randomly write a coherent story. It’s become a cliché. Which theoretically they could do given enough time and a million years to evolve into a human-sentient species.

Wolverine was a mutant Neanderthal? WTF?

Anonymous said...

Linkara do any of your donated comics have a return address for sephiroth's house? Becuse these marvill comics remind me of some stuff he's trying to pull on spoony.

Mitchell said... know I have nothing to invoke for this! This is the single dumbest thing printed on paper I've ever seen. And it's not the worst?! You said marville just gets worse and worse so I'm scared.

I've never before had my brain hurt from trying to figure out that much before. I've listen to six year olds explain time travel better!

The comic killed me at the biological clock thing, sure I've read stories where things have "evolved" by unnatural means but that the kinda story it was, this is trying to be smart.

Look I could go on for hours on just alone the rules made by this time machine don't work, like if the machine never moves then shouldn't it just remain in once place in a fixed space as in Earth would orbit the sun and the machine would remain in space. The whole if your machine ages or evolves life forms in it, why don't they grow old and die? Where is the energy and nutrients coming from the creatures need in order to live and grow?

Then the whole man kills man BS argh! It is like this comic was made just to piss people off, or at least people who have read any book before Marville.

Linkara, dude you read all of that, the few minutes you showed me caused me to gain the biggest headache I've had since I marthon Nash's WTFIWWY show.

Look I'm just going to rewatch DBZ abridged until I smile again, you take a break.

PS, while I rather like the ground form of your robot pal, I think Pollo looked better in that smaller hover body then the new one, but hey it might just be the nicer shade of blue he was before.

lostsomething said...

Where the hell is this guy getting his stuff? Feet did not "evolve before they were needed in anticipation of becoming land creatures", they evolved in bottom-feeders, they were first used to walk along the ocean floor.

For a comic that really does seem to have delusions that it's educational you'd think the guy writing it would do at least a little research. But then again the they're in the "Jurassic Park" period...

Still, it can't get any worse than this though, right? Right?!

Anonymous said...

"Human beings are so awful because we kill our own people."

Lewis, I'm gonna be completely honest. When I click on a new episode, I stay for the funny jokes and the ocasional comic history/backstory. But the main reason I come here, from beginning to end, is to hear your respond to pretentious, pseudo-poetic, cliche garbage like that. Speaking as an aspiring writer myself, THAT is what really educates me on how to avoid writing crap. Props to you, man! Props to you!

Lewis Lovhaug said...

"There is gravity on the moon..."

Not earthlike gravity, though.

Lewis Lovhaug said...

"one of your other commenters has noted that the sentience of these dinosaurs is similar to that of the Land Before Time films, and I have a similar rant; to start, this comic seems hellbent on Snorty being a "Duckbill", when you were able to clearly identify the species as Hadrosaur... except that "Duckbill" is Bluth's name for Parasaurolophus, not Hadrosaur. but I can see the comparison, and I'm sure Marzgurl will be able to better confirm this."

From what I could tell while researching, at least in the USA, Duckbills and Hadrosaurids are interchangeable names.

Synchronist said...

1) I understood every word you said at the end perfectly.

2) Aren't Velociraptors scavengers and not predators?

3) I have had a migraine for the past few days. I drank some coffee in an attempt to make it go away, and voices appeared in my head (No, I am not inasane, I was desperate and I heard caffeine helps migraines. It'll wear off in a day or two.) I watched this review, and I think the voices became dumber.

Grendle1853 said...

Bill Jemas I award you no points, may God (or Jack) have mercy upon your soul.
That was dumb. While if I were writing this I could have gotten some of the dinosaur science wrong (their scientific names or the dates of their existence), I could not possibly get as simply wrong as this comic is. How is evolution so hard of an idea for people to get? How could you ever be dumb enough to come up with that "biological clock" idea? Wolverine?!!! By the end of this review I was half expecting you to do a Spoony like "WHY AM I IN A STAR FLEET UNIFORM?!!!" scene.
So...great review, and I love the new ground body!

Sam Albro said...

Another massive scientific failing - the insistence that dinosaurs were cold blooded. The science is still largely theoretical on the metabolism of dinosaurs, but the majority of the scientific community leans toward dinos being warm blooded.

It wasn't an internal heating mechanism that led to the extinction of dinosaurs and the ascension of mammals- it was more likely food scarcity, allowing smaller creatures to live while titanic dinosaurs couldn't scrounge up enough food for their needs.

Anonymous said...

The... Thing: ... (raises hand)...(lowers hand) ... There's more...? ... A couple of bottle of bloodwine sound reeeeeeaaaaaaaal good about now...

Pollo: Nice work on those bodies.

Fiery Little One

Anonymous said...

if a timemachine doesnt also traverse space.. how does it cancel out earth rotation and rotation around the sun.. and the movement of the solar system in the galaxy... and the movement of galaxies in the universe? why is earth always fixed in the mind of the mindless while everything else moves?

Freyaday said...

I ran some numbers.

I used the Gutenberg Project's copy of Hamlet and Wolfram Alpha's value for the number of base pairs in the human genome.

I also used Wolfram Alpha to calculate these numbers because Windows Calculator said "No."

If you were to randomly mash on a keyboard long enough to produce texts of equal length, these are the approximate chances you'd get:

Hamlet: One in 10^(10^5.380024516498540)

Human Genome: One in 10^(10^9.268190484510100)

*I limited the available keys to those used in the works. I also ignored case.

Note that the exponents are for ten to the power of ten. To say that the factor of "100 million" given in this...thing is an understatement would be an understatement. To the power of ten. To the power of ten. To the power of twelve.


Eathan Davis said...

Why does this comic exist again?

Anonymous said...

So dinosaurs were Jewish?

That does explain allot!

Robin Adams said...

@lostsomething: Bottom feeders are one way feet may have evolved. Another is in fish that made brief excursions onto shore and back again, the way mudskippers do in our time.

You can do that even if you've just got fins, and you've suddenly discovered a paradise with tons of insects and plants to eat and no predators. From then on, it's an advantage to have fins that are good at propelling you across dry land as well as water.

There were lobe-finned fish - fish with bones in their fins and able to breathe air - in the Devonian period (up to 360 million years ago). In the very late Devonian, you get fish like the Tiktaalik, a lobe-finned fish with a joint in the middle of its fins. Move to the early Carboniferous (340 million years ago), and there's the Casineria, which has evolved five toes on the end of its feet/fins.

Of course, it's very likely that feet evolved several times in different species for different reasons.

But, yeah. Every animal with feet used them. The idea that a feature evolves because the creatures somehow know that it will be an advantage to their great-great-great-grandchildren is one of the stupidest things I've heard anyone - creationist or not - suggest.

Anonymous said...

Bill Jemas, proving the problems with the American education system are not new.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, does any one else think this issue of Marville is Jemas's attempt to drive the Biology teacher who failed him to suicide, by showing just how bad of a teacher he was.

Anonymous said...

maybe you should try getting drunk on power instead of liquor? Now that might ease the pain, making someone else's life a little worse.

Blackcat325 said...

Ok, I'm with Linkara... I've got no words for this. As someone who usually pushes up against the comment character limit, I've got very little to say. Or, I've got a lot to say, but I don't even know where to start. Just... NO!

Made for an awesomely funny review, though - this is the kind of stuff that makes a non-comic reader like me love this show.

I'll comment on the one piece of dumb that I don't think anyone else has mentioned - how does the writer - or whoever he sourced it from - come to the conclusion that Einstein used 20% more of his brain? Or that he used any amount more of his brain than anyone else? Even if it were true, how do you measure or assess that? Especially in Einstein's time - its not like they had access to PET scans or anything like that. (Tip for anyone who still believes the '10% of the brain' myth - Google PET brain scan and enjoy the pretty pictures).

Also, applause-and-groan to the person somewhere above me in the comments who said 'Can someone give Pollo a hand?' :)

Remoniq said...

Im not sure if it's possible, but I think that comic just broke my brain.

Anonymous said...

Ok, minor error herre but as a dino nerd i fell i need to point it out.
The raptors in Jurrassic Park are Utahraptors not Dienicious, one can tell because tey stand as tall as humans.
The dipiction of raptors in this comic and the first 2 JP films is accurate because Utahraptors were warly raptors, thus they had no feathers.
Velociraptors were half as tall as an average adult human.
Ok rant over

sliver age boy said...

Look at it this way,it had speech ballons.Im pretty sure you read this longer than antbody eles.That all it takes to become an hounary duck bill,some one to say "you're an okay guy".When lucy sat down she probably reliazed that this is really stupid.

Trekker4747 said...

I have all of the Marville books. They're absolutely terrible and everything Linkara says here went through my mind when reading it. These books were utterly stupid.

Darkhawk1 said...

I have a better question: The Time Machine was supposedly not moving from its spot, where Al's house will be in the future. But Al lives in New York, and that doesn't even compensate for continental drift.

The best modern science agrees that the asteroid impact that wiped out the Dinosaurs took place at the Chixulub Crater in the Yucutan Peninsula... In mexico. Several thousand miles away.

So how the hell did the asteroid impact occur within spitting distance of the Time Machine if it didn't move?

Oh, and see Mountain King's comment about the sun moving in space.

Sambou Jaiteh said...

I wish I could say that Marville jumped the shark at Issue #3, but it was eaten by the shark way before Issue #1.

Anyway, seeing the Marville #4 review, I thought "How could it get any worse?" I feel as though Marville COULD! Somehow, it might get even worse.

Tia Wheeler said...

Argh!!! There's so much scientific fail in this comic!!! No more, I beg you!!! *cries*

Since I haven't seen this mentioned yet, I'm going to say that molecules can't "die." To make a long story short, they just break down into atoms or form other molecules when their bonds are broken by the introduction of another element/molecule, energy, or heat.

If Dr. Linksano is looking for someone to help him with his experiment to discover how many ways that Marville #4 can be set to flames, my sister and I would gladly help out.

Anonymous said...

Knowing how this insanity ends, I'll say that as a philosophical piece, this comic.might just piss me off more than Supergod.


Geekasaurus Mike said...

Well I've seen a number of people explaining the monkeys with typewriters thing, but the fact is that it's simply incorrect when talking about evolution. Imagine you have a program that generates seven random letters when you click, and you want to click until "Linkara" is randomly generated. With a new seven letters each time, the odds of getting it are astronomical.
The thing is, that's not how evolution works. There isn't an entirely new animal every time, and beneficial changes are kept.
A more accurate picture would be to imagine that clicking it once gives you the letters "piszjas". Now, instead of getting an entirely new set of letters, you keep the "i" because it's correct, and if the next set it "Liaweps" you keep the "Li" and so on. This way, you only need a couple hundred clicks.
Bottom line, it's a stupid phrase used by a stupid comic written by a stupid person.

Carliro said...

Note: this is a response to several queries posted previously in the comments section.

1- Fish feet have evolved multiple times, and for numerous reasons. It is thought that the specific reason in our ancestors was due to having to move around in densely vegetated waters.

2- Animals do kill for pleasure. Dolphins are the worst offenders, being basically the animal analogue of The Joker.

3- All raptors had feathers. Feathers are both more easily retained than fur (compare the very fluffy ratites to similar sized mammals with very thin fur), and all mammals who lost their fur are highly specialised critters (elephants and whales evolved from aquatic ancestors, rhinos developed leather armour and naked mole rats are subterranean).

In addition, dromaeosaurs on average were more feathered than birds.

Matt said...

At the end of every Marville I think, "There's no way this could get any more stupid.", and yet each one proves me wrong. At this point I'm just wanting to see how bad this can get.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss the nonsensical drivel they were churning out with the first two issues. What the hell were they thinking going off on this kind of tangent?

Themilo said...

this isn’t the plot of every doctor who story ever it doesn’t have enough companion getting kidnapped.

Didn’t star trek ever do one of those humanity on trial story’s? I’m also curious if you dislike the humans are the true monsters trope.

krautman said...

I'm banging my head so hard.

Dinosaurs had feathers. They actually did pretty well, post-asteroid

Hell, you've probably seen a few. They're called birds now.

darkmage0707077 said...

My head hurts from banging it on the desk...started about 1 minute in, didn't stop until the end...ow...though that's STILL a lesser pain then the headache listenting to this tripe was giving me.

Thank you, Linkara. Without your insights, humor and - most important - accurate facts, I would feel 99% dumber for having viewed that piece of filth.

I used to want to suggest a "Worst Comic of the Year" award where you'd judge the worst comic reviewed for the whole year, then destroy it somehow (simulated, of course: actual destruction is a right/exorcism given only to comics that hold a special place in your heart, like OMD). But I see now that it's not possible because Marville would "win" every time.

Anonymous said...

While it's clear that Bill Jemas doesn't know anything about the jurassic period, I don't think he knows anything about Jurassic Park, either. If anything, the events in this comic have more in common with the likes of Dinotopia, but certainly not Jurassic Park. Making the comparison would be bad enough, but calling JP a tribute to a jurassic period of talking, duck-faced, jewish dinosaurs just stuns me in it's incompetence.

Also, while I admit this is a very tiny nitpick, Jurassic Park was a book before it was a movie, and I feel comfortable in calling it better literature.

opsz said...

The other 90% of our brain having "yet to be programmed" going against evolution is one of the most maddeningly stupid things I've ever heard. You'd think someone making a comic commentating on one of the established theories of science TO CHILDREN would DO SOME RESEARCH.

A quick lesson people, species mutate over time and the animals with useful mutations are the ones that tend to survive and therefore are the ones to pass their mutation down. Humans have survived encounters with other predators because we stick to groups and have a larger more developed brain that help us outsmart other animals. To say we just get more brain mass then we need is NOT TRUE, and this is just one of the infinite number of nonsensical claims this comic makes.

This has got to be the stupidest comics ever made.

Yeah there are a lot more that might be stupider, but at least those deal with stupid stuff. This idiotic portrayal of real science is nauseously dumb.

Kevin said...

Ah "Threshold". Almost certainly the only episode of Star Trek ever retconned in-series. Seriously: later in the series they had one of the affected characters explicitly deny ever having travelled at Warp 10.

kirk55555 said...

Wow, this comic was so stupid it hurts. Jemas may have just written the stupidest, least researched comic ever.

Your review was great. I was laughing from beginning to end, with very few breaks. Your facial expressions were especially hilarious, and your use of DBZ Abridged was great. It was a good thing I was laughing so much, otherwise I would have had to slam my head against the wall.

All the marville reviews have been awesome, but this will probably go down as one of my favorite AT4W reviews, and thats saying something.

Anonymous said...

Trust me Linkara, anything in this comic is way better than the screwed-up ethics of "Grimm Fairy Tales".

I suggest you stay far away from that comic. It's despicable. NO TROLLING HERE.

ellindsey said...

Why? Why was this comic made? Who was the target demographic, who did they possibly think would want to read this? With most of the terrible comics you review I can at least see what they were aiming for. Usually the terribleness is in bad writing, art, or just offensive pandering and going for the lowest common denominator. Here, I am simply baffled at who thought that this comic was a good idea. Were they perhaps contractually obligated to put out more issues of Marville no matter how awful they were, and didn't care what was in them? Or was this actually the output of a dedicated writer trying to get his (completely wrong) ideas out to the public? Why? Why?

JackitK said...

I think the creators of Marville only exposure to evolution was through Pokemon... actually that's too insulting to Pokemon. More like someone ask a kid who only exposure to evolution was Pokemon what evolution was and then the creators asked that guy who has no idea what evolution was other-wise and THAT was their only exposure to the concept of evolution.

Also I think in any other comic the idea of talking, human level intelligent DuckBill dinosaurs would be awesome.

Anonymous said...

I remember picking up the first 2 issues of Marville back int the day and finding it to be stupid but inoffensive
So I tracked down issues 5 & 6 after watching your review.

I actually got angry reading this thing, and you need to review it!
Lewis, do you need a hug?

Anonymous said...

This is a HORRIBLE representation of God. I've seen bad before, but this could take the cake! D:<

Mercenary said...

Im surprised you didnt have Linksano come in at some point shouting

"THATS. NOT. HOW SCIENCE! WORKS. Thats not even how biology works!"

Anonymous said...

If you need another bad comic series to review after this try the 4 issue series the Unfunnies, a twisted take on Cartoons based on Hannah barbera.

BlueLightPersonal said...

Okay so i'm watching this and i'm at about minute 18; just a little after i guess.
Jack has just made the comment about tribes and families.

Now i'm studying ethics and the amount of stupid from that remark, starts pouring into ethics because it's so stupid! I'm sorry, but Kant figured out way before the USA was founded, that, that statement is stupid.

Okay here's the quick, dirty, and over simplified version of Kant's ethical system. Basically their are 2 types of beings. Persons, and animals. You can be a human and still be a animal! What creature you are does not make a animal, or a person.

A person is just someone who can think rashly and be reasoned with (if you could speak the same language) .

Okay given this, if those duck thingies hadn't attacked; they would be persons, and it's unethical for a person to kill a person! It's questionable if a person kills an animal; but it's still ethical. Self defense can lead to killing an animal.

Now those of you who just like to defend stupid stuff might say "Well the duck things didn't know what the humans were up to, or that they could even talk to them. It's not like we talk to are cows to make sure they're persons." and my reply to this is, 1) the humans were speaking English in front of them, so they knew the humans could talk. 2) it is their duty to strike up a conversation if they know the humans can speak English, if solely to figure out if these humans can be reasoned with.

Now granted there are other ethical systems out there which have nothing to do with person hood but point wasn't which ethical system is better but more, that statement was stupid and a guy who thought masturbation while sleeping is unethical make a system to prove how stupid that statement was before it was put to paper.

Maxis Lithium said...


It's more closely pronounced "Crew-Deh-Tay" I only know this because my brother's a chef. And I'm from Canada, so I had to learn some french.

Also, I hope you burn these things in a ritual fashion once it's over. I want to see Marvil combust in hell-fire.

Laughing Hyena said...

Okay, to all the people in the comments section and elsewhere going on about, "Cats kill for fun or torture poor innocent animals!".

You people sound like you:
1. Never have owned a cat in your lives.
2. Have never had various types of animals/pets living with you to notice/observe these careful predator behaviors before.
3. Happen to hate cats.
4. Never owned a small dog to compare these two (Usually of the terrier type that kills rats, I've seen them enact in the same behavior you dub "torture" that cats do).
5. Don't fully understand predatory animal or cat behavior.
6. Never noticed the place and environment cats were originally domesticated from. *Cough* Egypt *cough*. It had more than just mice, you guys. Think of scorpions, snakes, and poisonous snakes. In fact, you can find old Egyptian art depicting cats slaying poisonous snakes.
7. That some cats breeds or cats are less likely to enact in this behavior. Usually, the more social breeds of cats of which type have been around much longer than more recent social breeds. For example: Siamese cats in Thailand were raised to GUARD temples from other humans, as well as attack humans that were going to do harm to the people in the temple or the temple itself.
8. There are cats that use the killing bite instead that quickly snaps the mouse's spine into two. You get to hear a nice dying squeak and a "crunch!" sound for that one.
9. And then there are cats that are, "friends with everyone, including mice". You, the dog, your other pets, the lamp, anything that moves, etc.: "I love you and I must scent mark you with my gums or face!".

So why do cats and smaller dogs do this?
You have a chance of your prey biting/attacking you BACK when you attack it as a defense mechanism. Also, that prey could be faking death once attacked afterwards. So you have to check if it's still moving.
The best way to gauge it, is to make careful swipes at it first to gauge the reactions of it and to avoid getting a bite/sting that could be fatal (If said prey is poisonous).
Then find an opening to get it where it hurts. In order to avoid any damage from prey attacking in it's final death moments, you have to fling it away. Sometimes, this also does the creature in.

I've seen my terrier mix smash peaceful lizards to a pulp on the backyard cement doing this.

Isolder74 said...

The bigger level of stupid there is the main fact that even when this comic was put out it was generally felt by almost all palaeontologists that all dinosaurs were already warm blooded. So by just the justification of the comic itself, the Dinosaurs should have survived the impact too.

And yes lots of cold blooded species survived that extinction level event including, sharks, Crocodilians, amphibians, turtles and more.

So no it still doesn't make any sense.

AzureDragoonMark said...
this objection is just what I think about this comic.

ThomasMink said...

Jesus Christ. For as bad as the previous comics were, this one almost gave me a brain aneurism.

I NEVER expected to have a similar reaction when watching a review of yours as I did when I watched Phelous' Seventh Moon review that long while ago.. that is, a near constant facepalm with eyes widened in complete disbelief at what I was being witness to.. but there it is. This comic did it.

Dr. Ivo Robuttnik said...

I don't remember the last time a review of anything has made me laugh this hard.

This is, hands down, one of the most brainless attempts at anything that I have ever seen in my life. The sheer ferocity and relentlessness of its stupidity is a "marvel" in and of itself.

What's-His-Face the Protagonist's look of absolute mental vacancy at the end is like the cherry on top of the rancid, fuming shit sundae. Yes, that's right, guy. Show us where Jack touched your clocks on the doll, here. Poor fella.

Your knowledge of paleontology only makes this review better, and I want to thank you for it. It's also worth noting that, while the degree to which a dinosaur was predominantly cold-blooded or warm-blooded varies by species, I doubt any of them were actually fully ectothermic. Probably not hadrosaurs, but CERTAINLY not maniraptorians like velociraptor, which, as this comic missed, were birdlike and covered with feathers.

Also, both the hadrosaurs and the velociraptors were so visually inaccurate that it verges on terrifying. Malformed anatomies, with gross, humanlike arms that make no sense on a non-primate. I wish comic artists would use references when they draw dinosaurs. "Paleo-art" is a real thing, and their work is highly accurate and respected. They have to be, it's the nature of their art. ARTISTS, USE REFERENCES. STOP DRAWING HORRIBLE DINOSAURS.

I remember when I went to the Kubert school in Dover, one of the professors tried to "correct" a t. rex I had drawn by giving him human arms and an extra finger. I had to stifle a laugh because he was my teacher, but come on. He didn't even give it a second thought, just scribbled human arms over it.

These aren't fricking dragons- dinosaurs actually existed, and the methods we use to reconstruct them from mere bone imprints are highly accurate.

Use references.

Micro4 said...

you know Linkara you kind of forgot to mention that in theory they may not be standing in the same place mainly because the went swimming in earths primordial oceans... naked...
Anyway i though almost Jack god took them through time at one point after they met almost Jack god?1? Man why do I care this? If the rest of the comics is a festering pile of discarded ideas. Why not let the continuity be the same i guess

Micro4 said...

I thought one comment was enough but I was wrong. Alright I have a Degree in Network and PC Management and on a computer level what is stated about the 90% of the human brains unused space not having an operating system yet makes me feel like someone reached through the screen and slapped me across the face. COMPUTERS DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT! BAD MARVILLE BAD! GO TO THE CORNER! In fact a better analogy would be that the space is more like an unused partition or empty space not accessed by the EXISTING Operating System. Oh and again A COMPUTER NEEDS AN OS TO FUNCTION! The brains version of this is Instinct! MY GOD.... Even computers from early days had an OS it was just basic logic circuits or simple commands but still an OS. Remember this is crap I learned in my FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE! Actually more like my FIRST SEMESTER! Seriously just wow. I feel like i was just forced to watch a Honey BO BO Marathon I just feel so Unclean and I have Lost faith for Humanity as a Whole... Just Yuck...

BlondieSheep said...

It is sad that this is going so bad to make you miss the awful parody of the first two issues. The horrible science and philosophy is just making everything hurt! I really am a little terrified to see where it goes from here.

I was trying to tell a friend how bad this comic book was, saying 'There are talking dinosaurs!' My friend said that that didn't sound so abnormal for a comic. I modified my statement to 'They're Jewish dinosaurs who are waxing philosophical with majorly faulty science'. Only then did they get the badness of the comic.

So, three more issues of this crap, right? I'll make sure to restock booze for the future episodes.

Looking forward to the Titans retrospective. At least you can talk about something you like! Though given your recent Tweets, sounds like not all the stories stand up so well. Good luck!

Sabre said...

I'm with Maxis, you got to burn this when you're done.

Airrider1 said...

I...don't entirely think Marville's creator realizes what he's done here.

There's so much anti-science and anti-logic highlighted in this thirty-minute review that it's caused a shortage worldwide. Several science journals online have probably just disappeared now as this intellectual black hole swept in and greedily swallowed up this knowledge for its own satisfaction. We as the species homo sapiens sapiens may not be the only species that kills its own and may not be the only one that kills its own for needlessy cruel reasons, but we may have the most petty reasons for doing so, and Marville is proof. When aliens finally get our Internet transmissions and attempt to piece together our history before we expand to the stars, they will wonder what apocalyptic loss of knowledge happened on our planet provoked someone to write this insulting, insipid Jack Chick tract in an elaborate costume, and they would wonder with trepidation if it could happen again.

It's one of the worst things you've reviewed yet, is what I'm saying.

Cryptix said...

Ohmigosh I watched this days ago and *just* realized that Pollo's new body has a beak.

TimeTravelerJessica said...

LOL I love when people use the 10% of your brain thing. I mean when someone has a serious brain injury you never hear the doctor say, "But thankfully it was in the 90% of his brain he doesn't use," do you?

Anonymous said...

hmm, the fact that this makes spider-man 3, manos hands fo fate, twilight, batman and robn, and even the terrible TASM film look good. also Lewis I got you a gift: Teen Titians special for you.

Enigma_2099 said...

... what in the f*** is this book even about?!?!?!

Aldo512 said...

To everybody who's asking why this comic was able to go for as long as it did when it's so bad, I have read the rest of Marville and issue 6 does give an explanation straight from Jemas himself:

"Because I'm president of Marvel, I could ignore the bean counters and publish Marville without regard for minimum sales projections and margin requirements."

I did not edit that except to remove an "and" at the beginning of the sentence. So yeah, Marville kept going, solely because Bill Jemas said "Screw you, I'm going to keep doing this."

Shanethefilmmaker said...

" I did not edit that except to remove an "and" at the beginning of the sentence. So yeah, Marville kept going, solely because Bill Jemas said "Screw you, I'm going to keep doing this." "

Wow that would have been a shocking abuse of power if not for the fact that same company allowed the "Escapist fiction is for Losers." remark to pass.

Puck said...

...When my Magic Tree House book is more accurate about dinosaurs than something that was probably for late-teens/young-adults, something is very wrong...

Anonymous said...

I love it when the noticeable camera auto-focusing issues just happen to make sense in-continuity, because you're hungover or haunted or asleep or something when the episode starts. XD

Tim Malear said...

My new favorite AT4W quote:

(determinedly)"Pollo, get the booze"

Tim Malear said...

One thing I've always had a problem with when it came to time travel was that if you really went back in time (and didn't move in space), you'd probably end up in space, pretty damn far from the planet you're on. Think about it, our planet is not only spinning (so you'd end up on a different continent or on water), not only is our planet moving around our sun (so there's probably two instances in a year that you'd land on our planet, and one time you'd be upside down, not to mention orbital wobble), NOT ONLY is our sun rotating around a mass of supermassive back holes in our milky way (so you even ending up in our solar system is once maybe every UNCOUNTABLE MANY YEARS), but our whole galaxy is doing a slow, massive ballet with every other galaxy, which doesn't even follow a strict orbit. So any sort of stationary time travel with any significant amount of time and you'd end up in space, probably VERY far from home. Especially over BILLIONS OF YEARS.

renfid said...

actually you can say that we only use the 10% of our brain, but taking that very loose, because we cant use the 100% of the brain at the same time, we have an area for every task or thinking, not how this its used on this case (its still stupid how they use in this case that idea) but it can be say and being right, just this its not the case.

Anonymous said...

So, what about the fact that they would have been bored as hell in the time machine? They went from the emergence of the very first microorganisms to the time of the dinosaurs. That is at least 500 million years, possibly much longer, and they were traveling at 50 million years/hour, so they would have spent at least ten hours watching "evolution". Why did someone who knows nothing about anything choose to write a comic featuring an author-insert God character explaining how everything works? Actually, I think my question contains the answer, nevermind...

Seth said...

Great job on pointing out the 10% myth, it is one of my pet peeves.

I guess the comic author with no philosophy background felt he would blow everyone's minds with his amateur insights. Because it isn't like anyone has tried to address the problem of evil or appearance of design before.

Fun tips:

The logical problem of evil is already considered answered by serious philosophers. It isn't a positive argument for atheism.

The scientific statement that mutation happens by chance means that mutations happen that don't benefit the organism. To mean that everything is driven without ultimate purpose is a philosophical argument. It is being imprecise with your words to mix the two.

Althou you, Lewis, have run into the same issues when you talk about time travel. You can either write around closed loops like Bill and Ted's excellent adventure or Terminator 1. Or let drama win over logic like Doctor Who or Looper.

Ming said...

Nice seeing one or two of Pollo's new bodies. Say, Linkara, do you have a body made for Pollo with actual working arms?

Regarding this horrible mess that dares call itself a comic: WHY? WHY WAS THIS MADE? SIX ISSUES OF HORRIBLENESS FROM THE IDIOT? I mean, it's bad enough that the jokes are not funny or just plain mean-spirited towards DC and Peter David! It's bad enough we've got God discussing creation and evolution with the three stooges! But this?

There are just many things wrong with this! Rapid evolution inside a time machine? Talking dinos? And now a teaser with Wolverine making an appearance as a caveman? The number of scientific and biological stuff the moron gets wrong is astronomical! The number of fails throughout this comic is mind-boggling! It's . . . It's . . .


Two-ish more issues of the horrors of Marville. God help us all . . . God help us all . . .

Tantum Ergo 2 said...

You know, as bad as this was, it didn't hurt me nearly as personally as issue 3 did; maybe because this time, it was screwing up biology, mainly, rather than just philosophy, and I know less about biology, and am less invested in getting it right.

That said, I -still- know enough about biology to confirm all the problems that this comic had with understanding -anything- to do with it; the most obvious being the ones that you pointed out. Getting your biology right is -very- important when you're time-traveling, and -very- hard to do, since too much about those early time periods is still largely under dispute.

To put it another way, the word "evolution" means one thing in a classroom, and 3-5 things among actual research professors in the field, and -none of them- work like what's seen here -even in theory.-


Also... you know... The problem with making broad, sweeping generalizations like "all x is a cycle" is that you then need to explain why there was a first x, and how that first x can be a cycle as well. Poor, poor comic.

Finally, as to time... Yes, in dialogue, it's acceptable to use a time period as a "where," even though time is non-spatial in nature. "Where" can refer to a place, but it can also merely refer to a position, and one can have a position in time just as easily as in space.

Thank you for suffering through this one with us. It shows... Well, I'm not sure what it shows. How awful this comic is, I guess.

your future rebbetzin said...

@ Seth
A more accurate statement is that mutations only PERSIST that benefit the organism according to the theory of natural selection. So they way they had it here would have made sense if they'd famed it that way.

SkinnyAy said...

Hello, Lewis. I gotta say, I do love your reviews and always find the Marville reviews entertaining in how completely stupid or insane they are along with your reactions.

Been rewatching the Marville reviews and hopefully, I'm not repeating something that some else has said/suggested but I'm curious why you haven't use any of the clips from the Futurama episode where Bender is lost in space and meets Binary God or made any references to that episode when Marville to the pseudo-philisophical turn?

Ryubbert Narraetsor said...

God needs a starship to blow up a meteor?

"Beeehlaay thaaaat!"

Anonymous said...

What audience is this comic targeted at?

I can't think of anyone how would like this comic!

Is there any thing that is not stupid?

artista-AF said...

im pretty sure there are laws against torture, how does this comic keep evading them?!

..but seriously the hell is not wrong with this comic? Seriously how can you make something so bad, that a Neon Genesis Evangelion trollfic looks like a Juluis Verne book in comparision? whatever drugs Bill Jemas is taking... no, i wouldn't want them

PS: awesome review Linkara :D

Veronica said...

interesting fact about REAL evolution certain ecological niches occur time and time again. While the species that fill the roles may be random the roles themselves are not. Marville of course is far to dumb to note this.
on another failed science thing fish did not evolve from molluscs

liberalyoungchemist said...


Been rewatching the Marville reviews and hopefully, I'm not repeating something that some else has said/suggested but I'm curious why you haven't use any of the clips from the Futurama episode where Bender is lost in space and meets Binary God or made any references to that episode when Marville to the pseudo-philisophical turn?

I believe he did in the last review I could be wrong though and you probably won't get this as its a month old ...

Anonymous said...

I think a better explanation is that Bill Dumbass (see comment on #5) saw *Cosmos* and noted the recurring "evolution animation" motif where you go from molecules --> man (appears episodes 2, 6 and 13)

Finally, as someone who is on both sides of the "argument" [between intelligent design/divine creation and natural evolution/selection], this is insulting, stupid, asinine and basically a big [1khz] you to anyone and everyone.

Jesse Saunders said...

I'm sorry Lewis, I don't think I can watch any future Marville reviews.
God knows you try but nothing you do can stop the fact that every word of that crap makes me want to beet my own skull in with the mouse!

Anonymous said...

I know how to give Pollo arms just use the robot grabby things from all that time with Doctor insano

Arcapello said...

Oh. Oh this... this is really something... I think I want to cry...
I know! I'll headbutt the keyboard to see what my physical pain can say that I can't!