Monday, July 26, 2010

Hardcore Station #1

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While it may not be hardcore, it certainly is stationary. It doesn't move forward with its story or advance in any capacity



71 comments:

YetAnotherGeek said...

BUGS!

Also, was not expecting the South Park bit at all. I didn't think you'd be the type to like that show...

Great review, Linkara. I hope you can review all of the Space Stalin Saga.

Puddle Jumper said...

Of course I know what I'm watching. Duh. The Spoony Experiment, right?
The origins of the name Hardcore Station is rather hardcore. Oh and Chief Justice Max for Maximum Justice!
Whot a hardcore review, man. It was totally awesome.

Marvel Man 34 said...

I like the cover to this comic.

A.H. King said...

Great review Linkara. I thought the 90's kids joke was pretty funny. This seems like the kind of comic a 90's kid would like.

Can't wait til next week's review of the PSA comic.

Mountain King said...

Urm I can't think of anything to say. I think a large portion of my brain just died from being exposed to this comic. At any point is there a plot? Cohesive narration? How about a structured moment of dialogue. I feel as if my senses have been selectively assaulted. I've see this three times over on blip already and I can't make heads or tails of it. Who are... anyone what possible goal could they have. What is the reason they do... anything?
I'm being serious, usually I can glean a plot but nothing happens here. No complaint about your edit, because I seriously think that no one could make sense of this cluster-Frack of a comic.

I have never been so bewildered by a comic. This was the equivalent of a drive by shooting of my senses. As funny as your inserts were (special congratulations go to your use of hitchhikers guide) I was so stunned my the comic my mind only just registered half of them.

Thomas

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite reviews in recent memory, and I loved the references in it. Have to agree with you in the way some writers handle religion (though oddly enough I do kind of enjoy Preacher).

As a total aside, Linkara, who is your favorite Doctor?

Raithnor said...

There might be a very weak explaination of the whole "one rocket boot"-thing.

From the look of the space station it looks like it generates gravity by spinning. That's kind of the whole reason you build a space station in the shape of a cylinder or ring.

So it's entirely possibly that station has less gravity than earth, getting progressively weaker the "higher" you go. So Max may only need one thruster/boot to stay airborne.

However, I'm not sure you could work that into the story very well or even if that's what the author intended. It's a thin eplanation and it only works because they're on a space station. If it took place on a planet I would have chalked it up to the usual idiocy.

Truth be told, I'm only bothering because I generated a Villain in City of Villains who had a similar look, although his Jet Boots had two engines each. Note: I had no idea this comic existed before I made him.

David 2 said...

Space Stalin! Classic!

Jannet_Jazz said...

"Chief Justice Max"?

The future is....really lame and uninspired.

areoborg said...

This isn't The Tommy Wiseau Show?

*changes channel*

Peter King said...

Space Stalin is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Come on, what harm has come from editors writing stories? *coughcassandracaincoughonemoredaycough*

BobCat said...

Hey, wait a minute. The bit with Space Stalin took place 100 years ago. However, regular Stalin didn't die until the 50s or so, and Space Stalin was put in a sort of stasis, so his soul wasn't available to go reincarnate as regular Stalin! And I know this isn't the distant future because the other covers you showed had Kyle Raynor and other JLA people on it!

Let's do the time warp again.

Pokeprof said...

The Nameless huh? So what is he? a Bastard child of the Nothing from the never ending story?

Either way, interesting review, Linkara, though it did feel like you were cutting away a little more to make jokes then to go on about the comic itself.

CJ47 said...

Good to see blandness still exists in comics. Call me when Space Stalin joins the Twin Hitler clones. Then maybe we'll get somewhere.

Also, why didn't you use your clip of Patton's line from Kickassia? Too much of an ego boost? Or didn't think of it?

Anonymous said...

Cool review.

BTW "The Nameless" kind of looks like a ripped design of "Lord Chaos" in marvel comics

http://www.comicvine.com/lord-chaos/29-12903/

Yogurt said...

I have to be honest with you, bubby.

The second you said that Jim Starlin was behind this thing, my brain instantly switched to "blinding rage mode".

Yeah, I still haven't forgiven him for taking a whiz on Jack Kirby's legacy (The Death of the New Gods was a "Mercy Killing", Jim? Get bent, you poseur. )

But as always, Linkara, you have eased my hurt with the power of your humor.

....

Wait. Starlin....Stalin......oh no. JIM STARLIN IS SPACE STALIN! NOOOOOO!

Malaloba said...

"What show do you think you're watching?"

Well, I do catch myself wondering when the Doctor regenerated into a Minnesotan and who thought a brown coat and hat was a good Ranger costume.

Anyways, great review as usual!

fanfictionman said...

BUGS!

Whenever I heard Challa, I thought that Black Panther would come and tear them to shreds. Wouldn't that be a better story? I don't understand why Space Stalin was looking for that gem thing. Maybe he was trying to make the most dangerous earrings in history. Comic request! I think that you should review Solarman #1. (NOT THE IMAGE COMICS SOLARMAN! THE MARVEL ONE!)Although not the worst comic ever, but even I could find many things about it to make fun of.

Comic recommendation! I think you should read the current story arc in Archie Comics. ''The Man From R.I.V.E.R.D.A.L.E.'' P.S. I just re-watched your Uncanny A-Holes, I mean X-Men, reviews, and The Pope in the Marvel U! HELLZ YA!

ShadowWing Tronix said...

Yay for return of Patton! Also, 90's Kid JUST finished Justice League Task Force? Biggest laugh of the show. Yay for continuity!

Radar said...

Am I crazy, or does Space Stalin sound an awful lot like the Magnus, Adam Warlock's evil counterpart? Maybe the Nameless's name is Legion for he is many?

Anonymous said...

Wow, great job keeping the jokes coming fast and furious. This was one of the funnier reviews of yours that I've seen in awhile. :D

I also agree that writing by committee never produces anything of quality. Too many cooks spoiling the soup and all that.

Oracle said...

Say, this isn't Vlogbrothers!

Now figure out why I dreamt I was Laura Bow wandering Colonel Dijon's estate with increasing prime numbers of budgies following me, and we'll be somewhere.
Why does it bother me that they turn on each other for the coffee maker of eternity? Sigh, I expect too much from these characters. It's a sickness of mine.

Excellent as usual, Linkara.

Gyre said...

The anti-religion point is a bit overdone by this guy, but if he had done it opposite to his normal works it might have been interesting. A brutal conqueror forced to try to establish a religion and spread it throughout the galaxy*. The idea has promise in my opinion.


* I refuse to say 'universe' like this comic does. Writers have no sense of scale at all.

Jok said...

@YetAnotherGeek

well, it's not the first time there is south park reference in his show. there was a underpants gnomes joke once and he played the resistance song from the movie in another episode.

Paul S. said...

I will say that The Gauntlet/Grimm Hunt are pretty good examples of well done committee written comics. Not great but better than I expected.

Anyway this comic looks pretty darn generic. A lot Starlin's post Infinity Gauntlet work has been kind of derivative and sad.

MintWhelp said...

Huh... Is it just me, or Tarsus, in his naked scenes, looks like Sean Connery in Zardoz?

Anyways, good review Linkara. And remember, everyone: As long as you touch Captain Planet's big bright rock, the power is yours!

Louis said...

Would have gone with Elvis as opposed to South Park but oh well. And...well, I think that Space Stalin is probably that Super-Stalin idea you had with Sinnamon so I think we've come full circle.

So if next is "bugs", that mean Blue Beetle?

Celey said...

I'm disappointed in 90's kid... Playing video games when he's supposed to be hardcore!!! Bad 90's kid... bad! Make him sleep outside tonight, Linkara!

//^_^\\'... Anyway, good review.... There was a lot of wise-cracks in this one. *lol* I guess you were feeling extra silly? :)

Anonymous said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardcore_Station

Space Stalin has already made it to Wikipedia. XD

NGT said...

Why not hate religion? It threatens us for noncompliance, with infinite punishments no one on a mortal timescale is capable of deserving. Yet the entity supposed to enforce these has been outstripped. The best and most destructive trick in the arsenal of the Greek pantheon is as naught to modern man. The Greek gods would wet themselves to face the Steel Rain of modern artillery or a modern tank. Much the same can be said of the Norse, the Celts, and various other religions. The Abrahamic god's best trick was The Flood, but it has been conclusively disproved. That leaves him with Soddom and Gommorah; these are essentially party tricks to modern humans, a three-hour artillery barrage or couple of kiloton nuclear weapons. We have power greater than the gods or god, only to destroy yet, but still greater. And yet they threaten us!

What was this comic about? No seriously, I want to know! What the hell was this about? Did it have a subject? Did it have a story?

Anonymous said...

I still haven't forgiven Jim Starlin for attempting to re-snarl Hawkman's continuity a few years back.

Chaltab said...

A nice return to form here, compared to the previous few episodes when it seems like you've been taking potshots at comics that really shouldn't be worth a second mention.

Chaltab said...

A nice return to form with this episodes, where it seems like you've been focusing on obviously awful tie-in comics with no purpose but to cash in on something else.

I actually thought Space Stalin was a lot more interesting than Max whatever.

Paul S. said...

Wait a minute... if Space Stalin is the most evil creature in the history what about Space Hitler?

Kitsula said...

Gotta love Empire, Colorado's Hard Rock Cafe (I'm assuming you were referencing it vs. the later Rock & Roll restaurant chain).

Sijo said...

Starlin's beef with religion is older than you think, Linkara- his first SF opus, in the first Adam Warlock series, involved- guess what? An evil religion, The Church Of Universal Truth, that even used crosses (well ankhs, but they weren't fooling anybody.)

This review wasn't that good because it felt incomplete... too many questions left unanswered. Maybe you should've reviewed the whole mini in one sitting. Oh and is this set in the DC Universe or what?

Speaking of bad comics stories by Starlin, here's one that I recommend to you (if you can find it) the 3-part story in DC COMICS PRESENTS (from the 80's) by Starlin that introduced Mongul (a thinly disguised version of Thanos.) The basic idea wasn't that bad- Superman screws up handling Mongul and it results in his obtaining a doomsday weapon; the Supes must chase him around the universe to stop him. Guest stars included Martian Manhunter, Supergirl and the Spectre. Here's the part that annoys me: Superman was TOTALLY out of character. In order to tell his story of how even Superman can learn humility, Starlin had him act like a TOTAL DICK and an IDIOT, first refusing Manhunter's help out of a feeling of overconfidence and then trying to fight The Spectre for the same reason (!) Now even back then I was willing to allow for differences in characterization by different writers, but this was just too much. You probably would have a lot of fun tearing this one apart by the plot holes. :P

Lewis Lovhaug said...

"Can't wait til next week's review of the PSA comic."

Hate to disappoint, but the PSA is in two weeks. ^_~ Trust me, though, you'll like what I have in store next week.

Anonymous said...

Great review.

I know you like the Patton quote, but I thought Zapp Brannigan would have made more sense to quote there.

Rushing_Beat said...

Hardcore Station...

Yeah, this thing was doomed from the start with stupid name.

OH boy, another "TEH RELIGION IS EVUL!!111!!" screed. Chick-tracts of the theophobic, if you will.

I guess a balanced, nuanced view of religion (which would require actually reading up on individual faiths) where the positives and negatives are looked at, thus showing philosophical depth is beyond some writers.

No, instead we get a cartoon caricature of all religions as being single, homogeneous entities with a lot of handwaving, and semantic mangling. Which is pretty much the same tactic poor writers us when demonizing ANYTHING (don't believe me? Check out "Reagan's Raiders")

Anonymous said...

Actually, I don't see how using religion as an antagonist is a bad thing

Religion robs people of their free will and reasoning ability
That's not something I would call a good thing.


I my self like using religious extremists as antagonists in my stories.
Zealots make for great cannon-fodder as they have no individuality and no redeeming qualities, so you don't feel sorry for them when you blast them away in masses.
And the leaders are the very epitome of \the "dark lord" archetype with their arrogance, self-righteousness and the ability to manipulate the masses

Yogurt said...

"Religion robs people of their free will and reasoning ability."

No. Extremism does that. Extreme fanaticism to anything (both secular and religious) produces the same effect (see Stalinist Russia, North Korea and The Reign of Terror).

Religion itself (generally speaking) does no such thing.

Furthermore, if religion itself was really a threat to reason then how does one explain the existence of Albertus Magnus, Robert Grosseteste, Roger Bacon, John Peckham, Duns Scotus, Thomas Bradwardine, Walter Burley, William Heytesbury, Richard Swineshead, John Dumbleton, Richard of Wallingford, Nicholas Oresme, Jean Buridan, Augustine of Hippo, Thomas Aquinas, Freeman Dyson, Dmitri Mendeleev, Gregor Mendel, Francis Collins, Alhazen, Athīr al-Dīn al-Abharī, Jābir ibn Hayyān, Kūshyār Gīlānī, and many, many, MANY others?

The fact is, as John Green once put it: "The belief isn't the problem. We are."

Anonymous said...

Why does he ignore the positive features of religion? Simple, he doesn't see any. Most non-religious people don't, at least beyond what comes with being a part any social organization. If you consider faith a bad thing, everything to do with religion is tainted by association.

jurassicjuan said...

What greatly bothers me is that the whole image of religion portray here is that of worship of a evil entity, when in fact religion are greatly different from one another in many ways.Here Jim Starlin(or Jim Stalin in my book) use the basis of christianity to show that all religions follow the same path.I guess it was way too much for him to even look up what other religions were about

Anonymous said...

"Extremism does that. Extreme fanaticism to anything (both secular and religious) produces the same effect (see Stalinist Russia, North Korea and The Reign of Terror)."

The problem is that all those ideologies work on the same principle as religion
The belief that a single world-view is superior to every other

David 2 said...

Just FYI, Hardcore Station returned to the DC Universe during the Rann-Thanagar War as the home to Captain Comet, and again in Strange Adventures when Bizarro trashed it.

Michael said...

In your review you said that writing by committee is almost never a good idea. Doesn't Crossoverlord count as a work by a committee? In fact, didn't you instigate that project?

Lewis Lovhaug said...

"In your review you said that writing by committee is almost never a good idea. Doesn't Crossoverlord count as a work by a committee? In fact, didn't you instigate that project?"

I also listed 52. ^_~ There are always exceptions to any rule. XD

Anonymous said...

and, 52 does not count becauuuuuuuuse ... ?

Yogurt said...

"The problem is that all those ideologies work on the same principle as religion
The belief that a single world-view is superior to every other."

Hence my point: ANY ideology taken to an extreme will achieve that.

Religion is not the problem. The refusal to tolerate the beliefs of others is. This is true of any worldview or ideology.

RocMegamanX said...

Is it just me or does that hooded guy on the cover remind me of Skeletor of He-Man?

RocMegamanX said...

Also, I agree with Yogurt. The entirety of a religion doesn't really harm people. The negatively aggressive extremists do.

The Westboro Baptist Church doesn't speak for all Christians, does it?

Al-Qaeda and Hamas don't speak for all Muslims, right?

I'm not going into Israel, but if that country were dismantled, where would the Jews go?

"No, instead we get a cartoon caricature of all religions as being single, homogeneous entities with a lot of handwaving, and semantic mangling. Which is pretty much the same tactic poor writers us when demonizing ANYTHING (don't believe me? Check out "Reagan's Raiders")"

I also kinda get upset with this stereotyping and generalization of theists as brainwashed, violent "ignoramuses".

That's like saying "all humans are destructive towards the planet and should therefore not exist".

MFlorian said...

Judging by your hints and the twitter posts, I think I know what's up next.

If I'm right, I cannot wait for Monday. =)

All that aside, this mini-series looks like they it was supposed to be some big trade paperback that got chopped up at random points so they could sell individual issues.

That's the vibe I'm getting off it, anyway.

Anonymous said...

"Religion is not the problem. The refusal to tolerate the beliefs of others is. This is true of any worldview or ideology."

- You shall have no other gods before me.

Yogurt said...

"You shall have no other gods before me."

What about it? The Ten Commandments were the rules that the Israelite people when they entered the covenant with G-d.

It doesn't talk about the beliefs of others, it talks about their (the Israelite peoples) beliefs and customs.

Louis said...

In response to all those people who want "Reagan's Raiders" done on AT4W:

Do we really need a return to the idiot behind "Sultry Teenage Super Foxes"? Besides, Linkara mentioned him behind them already.

A Friend said...

Are you guys still discussing religion? Because you may have noticed that Lewis pointedly isn't.

Sincerely,

A Friend

Anonymous said...

lol, I was thinking you'd use "The wheel in the sky keeps on turning..."

Wildrow12 said...

Question: Why would you name yourself...THE NAMELESS?

Yes, I get it. The guy has alot of names. So what? Apocalypse from the X-Men had alot of names, but at least he settled on one (for the most part).

Anonymous said...

"The Ten Commandments were the rules that the Israelite people when they entered the covenant with G-d.

It doesn't talk about the beliefs of others"

There is another passage in the old testament where the Israeli are told to kill anyone who doesn't worship their god and to wipe-out any nation that doesn't

Deut 17:2-7
Deut 13:13-19
Lev 24:16

Yogurt said...

"There is another passage in the old testament where the Israeli are told to kill anyone who doesn't worship their god and to wipe-out any nation that doesn't"

Wrong again.

"Deut 17:2-7"

Refers to limits of the religious freedoms of foreigners living amongst the Isrealites, when their (the foreigners) practices threaten the life and safety of Isrealites. Hence why the term commonly translated into English as "Evil" in this passage, is more closely translated into "Murderous" or "Violent".

Thus the rule is: Your rights end when they infringe on the rights of others.

Given the violent religious practices of their neighbors. This is fair warning.

Even then the Isrealites are told to not simply kill the accused, but to investigate the situation, and put them on trial, and give them a fair chance to exonerate themselves.

"Deut 13:13-19"

Refers to treachery amongst the Isrealites themselves (namely submitting to foreign powers and betraying the rest of their people and cities to save themselves, a common demonstration of one's submission is to kneel before a god of the conqueror's choosing).

Hence why the terms in Hebrew "treacherous", "cowardly" , "betrayal" and "foreign ones" are used.


"Lev 24:16"

Only applies to the Isrealites themselves, hence why both terms refer to someone who is not a foreigner. Furthermore, the accused would be offered an opportunity to make restitution and return to the full graces of the tribe, provided that no other offense was committed at the time(see "Introduction to The Talmud and Midrash" by Strack and Stemberger for a clearer view of what I'm talking about). Unfortunately, the man used as an example here, was caught striking another Isrealite so he was pretty much iced.

What we have here are fairly reasonable penal codes for offenses at the time (they lacked a functional prison system, and with enemies all around them they had to be decisive about their punishments). None of which limited the religious freedoms of others.

Anonymous said...

Why do I get the awful feeling that Chief Justice Max is just another lame attempt at copying Judge Dredd without any attempt at understanding the character or why he was popular in the first place?

siggypop said...

Exploding implants in your girlfriend's head?

Talk about a lack of trust!

Any way good stuff linkara. This is one of your better reviews.

PS: I found this and I have to say its the funniest thing about you not made by you that i've ever seen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq1ogzvPmbc

Jer Alford said...

Why am I not suprised that 90s Kid just then finished JLTF?! That thing takes forever to do, worse than the recent Justice League game.

Fanboyimus Prime said...

I think I can tell why "the Nameless" looked like Master Chaos and Space Stalin like Magnus...because Jim Starlin created those for Marvel.

Also Linkara you forgot the "Church of Universal Truth" that Jim Starlin created in the 70s Adam Warlock title which was the first time he did what you ranted about.

That group came up in the last Guardians of the Galaxy title and made trouble for the heroes. Including resurrecting Thanos.

And any idea if Chief Justice Max has been killed by DC yet?

Anonymous said...

"some know it as...Tim"

Was that a vague Mighty Boosh reference or is this a reference from elsewhere as well?

Tyr Germanic said...

good review
whens miller time?
--MORE ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN PLEASE.
you only reviewed one or two issues so far,and its consistently bad.
thanks and keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

"Why not hate religion? It threatens us for noncompliance, with infinite punishments no one on a mortal timescale is capable of deserving."

Way to stereotype every single religion NGT. Even amongst the Abrahamic religions that's not a universal position. Next time you may want to read up on the subject you are screaming about lest you reveal your shortcomings.

"Yet the entity supposed to enforce these has been outstripped....."

Uh huh, mankind's ability to destroy itself is well documented and not something to be proud of. Also how do you jump from spiritual punishment to physical death? That's a serious categorical error.

So you scream like a fanatic about the subject you hate (and like any good fanatic your arguments reveal your limited understanding) and you have a unhealthy fascination with weapons and human self-destruction. Right.

Just a thought: switch to decaf.

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood Buddhist

Fenix said...

This is why I stopped reading comics around the late 90s. Crap like this doesn't need to make a resurgence.


Speaking of things that need to go down and stay down:

"The problem is that all those ideologies work on the same principle as religion
The belief that a single world-view is superior to every other."

Hey genius, you just shot yourself in the foot. You ranted and raved about how evil "religion" (not a specific religion, mind you, just some nebulous concept called "religion", apparently) was and how it "robs people of free will" and how you like killing religious people in your little fantasy stories.

In doing so YOU claimed that YOUR world view was vastly superior to theirs (so much so that you could deny their very human dignity and use them as cannon fodder in your fanfiction). That was the same mindset that led to Stalin's atrocities against religious people (among many others).

You proved Yogurt's very true point: that any worldview can be (mis)used for evil including Atheism. Religion isn't the problem. Atheism isn't the problem. People behaving like jackholes is the problem.

enigmus20 said...

Never seen a bigger waste of the word "Hardcore" before this comic.

enigmus20 said...

So did this "story" do anywhere, or was it just a dud that DC wants us to forget about?