Monday, July 27, 2009

Xena #1


Rich character development! Likeable protagonist! Shocking plot twists! You'll find none of that here!



36 comments:

falconwhitaker said...

Wow, that book was... bland. What a waste of paper. O_o

Jason said...

yay 1st comment!

ScreamingDoom said...

Ha ha! Very amusing, Linkara. I especially loved the Bureaucracy... OF THE FUTURE!

As much as I am loathe to admit it, I think you were being a little unfair regarding their silly name for people with superpowers. Don't all comics do this? Marvel has 'Mutants', DC has 'Metahumans', Watchmen had 'Masks'.

The only thing I can think about the name is that they chose it because it sounds cool. Maybe it had some oblique reference to Zeno's Paradox, too. As Bender says, "The 'x' makes it sound cooool!"

Were any more of this bland comic made? Or was it just the first issue and they dropped it?

Anonymous said...

Aww, I was expecting the _real_ Xena, this one doesn't hold a fraction of a candle to her. Anyway, great review, that's one more comic I will stay away from.

Wait, 'Vamperotica'?!

Sieg-sama said...

Oh that's... plain bad. It was sizzling with dullnes, as you put it.
I suppose this was the dark age...

Oh and Linkara if I may...
You chose this comic over their other 'works' because it was the 1) worst,
2) slightly more readable
3) or simple 'Safe for Work'

Lewis Lovhaug said...

More like option 4, actually:
4. I actually own it. ^_~ I only own one other in Brainstorm's catalogue, and it wasn't listed among those in the beginning. You actually see it in the theme song.

Marcel said...

What a dull comic. The protagonist bored me to tears. She brought shame to the good name of Xena. Nice review, Linkara.

The Trembler said...

I would give the Endowment scientists credit and assume that they have developed a reliable test that lets a blood or tissue sample be tested for qualities that indicate that a person has certain endowments and their strength. But that would suggest that the writers thought of that, so maybe not.

So did Mr. Justice come close to attacking women on previous occasions, but not quite do it? Because if he'd done it before, he should be dead already. If not, what did he do that put him on her watch list?

Maybe the flying car was to carry things or to look a little less conspicuous that if they jut flew.

One idea for part of the name is that even before X-Men, the letter "X" has carried a sense of mystery and the suggestion of being powerful and dangerous. Of course, it drops all that in this comic in favor of being boring.

netgrade said...

Nice review. just a question, why didn't you mention that one of the villains name was Rambus? Since you mention Silvester Stalone...

The Writer said...

You really think Heroes for Hire is Marvels worst chauvinistic comic?

Have you Heard about Marvel's Divas?? Horrible, blatant, boring and stupid.

Please Review Marvel's Divas Linkara Please!

Truce Weston said...

this was a boring issue, but a funny video!

At least it wasn't Countdown indeed!

It must be a nice blast of fresh air to read this after a rotten streak of foul FAIL all month of that waste that was Countdown! Then again even smog could have the same effect after Countdown

So until Booster Gold sells more records and becomes Booster Platnium, MAKE MINE LINKARA!

Flip The Page said...

to this day I still don't get that Heroes for Hire cover. I mean we get a quality series (that inevitably gets cancelled whilst New Avengers has it's 50th battle with The Hood or something) and the only way it garnered attention was with a really dodgy and suggestive cover.

Is controversy the only good way of marketing something now?

*looks at Loeb's Hulk*

Oh yeah! It TOTALLY IS!

Chris said...

*hands you some good comics*

You need something of Kirbyian proportions to wash the stink of Countdown out. That and matches.

Wow. Xena is...how do I put this? Horrible. I know Indie comics are good like PS238 and others but this character is unlikeable in the worse way. Is she a heroine? Is she a villain? Is she just there for T and A?

My guess it's the last one. You can compare her to Stunner. I never liked her and her impossible biology. But, like you said, Marvel sucks. Good review!

lilmaibe said...

Whoa...this somehow sounds like a random story form ff.net...one of those -my first time writing a story- kind of stuff there...Geese..I can agree with everyone who calls it watse of paper...

By the way: What's up with Gilbert&Sullivan references lately? O_o A friend did that trying to summarize IceAge 3 to me and when I myself tried my hands on reviewing a book I stumbled over a sentence that read as if the author was trying hard to make it fit the tune of -modern major-general-

7x6 said...

Wait, Heroes for Hire got brought back and now it sucks? Wow, I really have been away from marvel for a while.

Yeah, that xena sure was likeable with her killing superhumans (wait would they be called superhumans or the endowed?)when she easily could have stopped them with little trouble. I'm surprised that there are/were so many black and white comics though.

Spiffy review!

Now, to annoy you further, what did you think of the end of Blackest Night #1?

mightysamurai said...

Well, Xenia is the name of two Christian saints and has roots in the ancient Greek concept of the same name, but beyond that I have no idea.

Artimus said...

The tenth planet? Is that a reference to "Mondas", the homeworld of the Cybermen? Or am I just a huge nerd? or both? or all three?

Excellent review! I thought it was Warrior Princess too at first seeing the title ;)

James said...

Lewis: In regard to your comment, I know that you wouldn't really do a hentai comic, but if you did, I know you'd give it a masterful skewing. Maybe a review of a comic that tries to be sexy but fails miserably. Just a thought.

Queen Anthai said...

Huh. Good thing I had a spare outlet for that plug you threw out there.



...thank you, I'll be here all week.

Slade Dreizehn said...

mmm. not what i was expecting. but a good cool off after the mess that was... that other comic series.

looking forward to next week.

A. Conroy said...

Wow, so very bland.
I was shocked, SHOCKED, that you included the Judge Dredd movie in the video because I was thinking about it when Xena's "justice" was discussed.
And, thanks for showing my favorite quote from it twice. That line stuck with me when I saw it in theatres.

Rhomega said...

That was a rather bad first impression of the series. It feels like nothing really happened, and doesn't really set up for an interesting story.

Will Staples said...

Regarding the name "Xena", it's possible that it had something to do with the Greek "xenos", meaning "stranger", and mightysamurai mentioned "Xenia".

Then again, maybe Kirk Lindo just thought it sounded X-Treem.

Carrie said...

Like the rest of you guys I also thought that it would be about the Warrior Princess (especally since we had a comc with her and Hercules' fake marriage). I remember hearing about Vamperotica before when I was a teenager so it was an interesting nostalgia trip for me.

Azerth said...

I thought you were going to talk about the other Xena to

aa97464 said...

Crime..and punishment!

I'm actually a big fan of Dostoevsky myself. I find his wor- OW MY FACE!

Mountain King said...

Reading the credits (yep some people do for some reason) I saw the message about Judge Dredd. I can't help but feel that was aimed at me, at least in part.

What do I want from you? A pint of blood and your immortal soul would be a start... Kidding, honestly I don't want anything. Just an acknowledgement you know what I'm talking about, which I guess this counts as. If you're far too busy with that list you posted of upcoming reviews I won't have a problem (honestly, how do these things get published? Is there no quality control ANYWHERE?)

Good luck with that pile of soon-to-be-ash.

Lewis Lovhaug said...

Nah, it wasn't aimed at anyone in particular. You'd be surprised, though, how many times I get e-mailed with explanations for storylines and characters I've known about for years or asking the same questions over and over. XD

Anonymous said...

this is why the first comic in a series should be longer than your average comic. then again, non-"Mature" comics don't seem to be this company's forte.

Flip The Page said...

@7x6: yeah Heroes for Hire came back in Civil War and made it as far as World War Hulk. It was pretty good (just a bit above average) but had that one cover that was so dodgy it got last minute attention before a horrible burning death.

Anonymous said...

I liked the Heroes for Hire reboot it was good (not great) minus that one cover and how it ends (which was shit)

and yeah, what the fuck, sure they're villains but that still give Xena no right to just murder them, it's the future just make some anti-superpower drug or dump them on Mars, Judge Dredd doesn't just kill criminals (in fact Mega-City 1 Treson only has one crime with the death penalty) even the Dark Judges (ok they can't be killed)

beoweasel said...

Hey, Linkara, when are you going to do a review of Ultimatum? They just finished up the series, I believe, and it deserves a review.

Paul S. said...

Am I the only one appalled by the fact they put the "Oreo" symbol on the costume of the only black man in the book?

Racattack Force said...

Xena means "A guest"...so yeah, makes no sense.

Anonymous said...

Um..... Parts of your review actually sound kinda interesting. The cover art though not much of a lead in to the story inside is pretty well drawn for an indy cover. Oh NO!!!! Does that mean that I like BAD comics?

NGT said...

You know, I actually mourn for this one. It's silly, perhaps, but they had an interesting moral question here that they didn't explore (and for that matter, that I think you missed) about it.

What constitutes reasonable force when you're attempting to arrest someone with superpowers?

Now because I'm an RPG guy I tend to default to Palladium Books' take on it from Rifts: it may not actually be possible to arrest some of them.

You could arrest someone like Spiderman because it's reasonably possible to disarm and restrain him. Even if you go with organic webbing you can always stick him with bracelets or something

But you can't reasonably arrest someone like Superman, because he will always be lethally armed and dangerous. Even if he has his hands up and is yelling "I surrender" he's still able to become a murderous dynamo quicker than it takes to form the thought. For the safety of the arresting officers and the general public, the only real way to bring in Superman is to bring in his cold, dead corpse.

The shame of this comic is that it only barely touched on the premise that you can't have one law for all in a world where all are not inherently equal, that some people cannot be afforded the same degree of legal protection if one intends to protect others in such a world, and that absent a means for normal people to fight back against the superhuman, who watches the watchmen?