Thursday, May 21, 2009

WARRIOR #1


It's a Crisis of Infinite Insanos! Hypertime is collapsing, and only the allied Linkaras of the multiverse can battle the Anti-Comic that is WARRIOR!

SKRONK!



70 comments:

Cervus said...

Oooooh... my brain hurts.

Great review, guys. :)

AnaLena said...

The rambly witing style reminded me of one thing. Have you ever heard of the Chris Claremont's Superman/Wonder Woman Elsworld Whom Gods Destroy?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whom_Gods_Destroy_(comics)

Top of my head, Nazi-Wonderwoman, Lois Lane turning into Wonderwoman and making out with SS officers. Superman turning into a centaur and a girl and having centaur sex with Lana Lang. Oh and threesomes.

The drugs must have been good during that era.

Playah said...

I say its the most epic AT4W review ever. One weird thing is that there was no 90's boy... or did I missed him?

Lewis Lovhaug said...

90s Kid had not yet been invented when we filmed it.

aaa said...

And remember, this comic was made by and for humans. Now, there are worse comics on the internet...

Marcel said...

Ouch. My brain hurts just trying to comprehend the nonsensical nature of the comic. And if you thought issue one and the Christmass issue was bad, the rest of the series makes even less sense.

Lewis, you and Spoony should team up again. You guys do good work collaborating together.

Robert Willing said...

RYO-OKI! Which one of you (if it was one of you, I think it's one of hte girls) had that? I did NOT see that coming and it was cute! YEAH I'm a guy and I find characters cute! (Heck I find Saber Marionette J's Lime to be the cutest ever!)

Anyway great review to a terrible comic! Great crossover, LOVED the cameos.

Ian said...

I think you two tapped into something that's been missing in the 'genre' of Internet Personalities - foils and co-stars. Someone to work with you and to play off of and, man, do you two play off each other really well.

Epic review, and wow, do you play a great Dr. Insano, and I loved the 'amateur actor' reality for some reason. Fantastic, and creative, and extremely, extremely fun!

And holy crap, what a terrible comic! Just... unbelievable! This wasn't just bad writing, this had to take Shakespearean levels of effort to be so horrible! There had to be drafts made that were tossed aside because they weren't incoherent enough. This was painful!

objecterror said...

..my god ...(ellipses, sorry)

I cannot even fathom the mental anguish you two had to endure to follow up with a comic of this irrevocable SUCK.

I am a fan of wrestling, but not the writing, in fact, for years I refused to believe that the entire show was staged. I believed that it was real talent involved.

Joke is on me and now I watch UFC for my man to man sweaty action. Warrior #1 - I have no words.

Alex Stritar said...

I thought it was bad when wrestlers tried to act. Why would anyone think this was a good comic?

I loved the part where everyone came in to beat Insano after the part where Santa got raped (never thought I would have to say those words together).

Draco_Dracul said...

What kind of drugs and/or mental abnormalities did it take to write that comic? That is not the work of any sane and sober person.

Reading that comic must be the closest simulation to actually looking at Cthulu.

InvisibleBrunette said...

My eyes! My poor eyes! That comic is terrible! Whoever let him publish that garbage must have been soft in the head!

Lotus Prince said...

You know what REALLY blew my mind? That one text box didn't say "unanswered questions." It said "unquestioned answers." Seriously, what the hell?

Kuiska said...

Noooo! Not Santa! You monster! I thought you were a WARRIOR! *sobs uncontrollably*

Seriously though, awesome. I love when you and Spoony work together.

Joshua the Anarchist said...

Random thoughts:

When I heard "Warrior" for a minute I thought this comic was about Guy Gardner.

Wow, Linkara, you do a better Dr. Insano than Spoony.

The mindfuck level of this video is appraoching Bjork Show levels.

Edward said...

I loved that "Bad Acting" Earth and the Nostalgia Critic cameo.

Carrie said...

Wow, you're really on a kick these days and I mean that in a good way.

lilmaibe said...

Who... Just WHo publishes such things?! I mean, you already showed us some comics for which there was either no editor present or he was in another room during the whole making process.
But this?! How could anyone -i repeat- ANYONE with at least some love for mankind do such a thing to comicreaders?
If you excuse me now, my mind just started sipping out of my ear,

Lotus Prince said...

You didn't read today's Dilbert, did you, lilmaibe? :-P

Carrie said...

Now that I think about it, Warrior is the comic book equivlent of Xaiver: Renegade Angel with more fighting and phoney philosophical gibberish and the writing was even worse.

Speaking of Anita Blake, I suggest trying to tackle that comic. For a comic about monster hunting the characters just jabber, jabber, jabber while the comic goes at snail's pace with nothing happening for issues (just look at the first Laughing Corpse mini-series). Not to mention that Ms. Hamilton has no concept of how sequental art works (and will shove descriptions when the picture alone can and should be speaking for itself). Anita Blake is also a boorish idiot who prefers to act tough\bully others than do any real detective work. And don't even get me started on Brett Booth's art in the Guilty Plesures mini-series. Sorry if I rambled, but I think you'd have a field day with that one.

KamenRiderGumo said...

Wow. That was worse than anything anyone had ever said about this comic. I'd heard it was bad, but I was thinking "Civil War" bad or "Superman IV: The Quest for Peace" bad. I wasn't expecting "Makes 'Phantasmagoria 2: A Puzzle of Flesh' look solidly-written and entertaining" bad! Though, as a former wrestling fan, I do have to say I marked out at hearing Hogan's "Real American" music when the cast of TGWTG.Com came in to beat the living daylights out of Dr. Insano. Great review of a HORRIBLE comic.

lilmaibe said...

@Lotus Prince: I'm from Germany, in case it's not available online it's most unlikely I read it. :)

Lewis Lovhaug said...

What's REALLY funny is that I made the same joke in my Doom's IV review. XD

Anonymous said...

I could handle shitty art if the story's good, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I've read various titles because of the artwork only to discover that the writing is absolute pants.

But this?

This just makes my brain hurt.

I could understand this being made as a webcomic these days, but this is (according to Wiki) 1996 and it would have cost actual dollars to make this monstrosity.

Who would think that this would be a commercial success?

lilmaibe said...

I have to ask: Which joke (I'm lost here Dx )

Anonymous said...

hahaha the question isn't what they were thinking? the whole idea that people were actually thinking when they did this is invalid. No-one was thinking, they just shoveled it out and hired the cheapest "artists" they could. I heard there was some software out there that produces bad literature on purpose, it just takes words from a spell correct bank and includes made up words you told it to learn, throws run on sentences, sentience fragments, and ellipse together along with paragraphs and generic sayings like "feel my rampage" and it prints it out for you. Its cheaper than microsoft word so a lot of comic book companies use it.

pablumatic said...

I've seen some bad comics reviewed here, but this is about as bad as it can get. Silly and exorbitant writing (well, at least typing anyway) and an artist who can't even mimick Rob Liefeld's already poor style and anatomy.

I can't say its the worst since there are no popular comic book characters being trashed in it like Superman At Earth's End, but its up there.

Anonymous said...

Steroids fry the brain.

Sean said...

Oh. My. God. It just kept getting worse. By the Christmas special, I was laughing uncontrollably. I mean...jeez...throughout most of the review I was thinking, "Is this real? Is this real?" Love all of the different multiverses too. Man...oh, wait, I've used ellipses throughout this comment. NOOOOOO!

Marcel said...

pablumatic wrote...
I can't say its the worst since there are no popular comic book characters being trashed in it like Superman At Earth's End, but its up there.

To be honest, pablumatic, the readers were getting trashed by this garbage.

Even sadder is that the WWF actually bought thousands of copies and gave copies of it to fans at its shows. I don't know whether to laugh or cry about the aforementioned fact.

Not even One More Day could match the asinine patheticness that this comic posesses.

I loved that bit where the TGWTG.com guys (and you, Lewis) beat the crap out of Dr. Insano with "Real American" blaring in the background.

I think I'll read my Blue Beetle back-issues now. Now there's an awesome book. :)

Cláudio said...

THIS IS THE BEST ATOP THE FOURTH WALL EVER HOAK HUGAN
Laughed so damn hard.

Psychotime said...

Wow, I seriously can' believe how terrible that comic is. I never thought I'd see something that horrid. But you guys found it.

Great review.

Lotus Prince said...

" @Lotus Prince: I'm from Germany, in case it's not available online it's most unlikely I read it. :)
"

Oh, sorry, then. It's just that today's issue had the boss screaming that a spreadsheet was so boring that his brain was trying to escape out of his ear. :-P

And Lewis, if you made that joke as well, then I guess I must have just thought that it was another funny line, then. I only really noticed it today because I saw it twice in one day. How often do you see that joke twice in one day?

Will Staples said...

That review was so hilarious, it had me rolling. ;)

I'm also glad to know I'm not the first person who first thought "'Warrior' + Dark Age = Guy Gardner". Guy's comic at least embraced the whole silly uber-macho crap and made something vaguely fun out of it.

日本文化のマニアック said...

I have to admit: in the first page, where he starts talking about the Self that is an animal and the Higher Self, for a moment I envisioned a comic where every human being exists on two levels, one earthly and the other supernatural. All the characters would be bifurcated, with their two selves dealing with different issues in different worlds, only with each having effects on the other. It would be a complex interconnected web where the seeming randomness of life is really caused by another connected world.

Did the comic book have anything to do with this? No. Or maybe it was trying to and just epic-failed? Seriously, what the hell was up with this comic? Do ANY of the later issues explain ANY of this? I've read and watch some pretty messed up and nonsensical mind-f**ks, but this makes Yuuasa Masaaki's "Cat Soup" look like a work of logic and linear storytelling!

Chris said...

Top of my head, Nazi-Wonderwoman, Lois Lane turning into Wonderwoman and making out with SS officers. Superman turning into a centaur and a girl and having centaur sex with Lana Lang. Oh and threesomes.That sounds even worse than Superman at Earth's End. I guess DC would publish anything in the 90's. Maybe it's the prime flaw in their editorial policy: they let the writers do whatever they want, even if it's completely insane. I mean, they were probably so excited to get Claremont on board that they didn't care if he wrote something that wouldn't feel out of place on Masterpiece Fanfic Theater. I guess that explains how All-Star Batman got published...

Queen Anthai said...

OH GOD WHY DID YOU SHOW US THIS

ALL OF MY INTERNAL ORGANS ARE BLEEDING OUT OF MY EYES

EXCUSE ME I WILL BE ROCKING MY CRADLED BRAIN IN THIS CORNER









(Dude, seriously though...there's WORSE than this?)

mightysamurai said...

Is it just me or does Krissy Diggs' Dr. Insano sound a lot like Eartha Kitt?

playah said...

You know whats also bad? They spent tons of text on exploiting the eight rules of warriors or whatever, including (I think) compassion and wisdom, and in next issue we see Warrior raping Santa Claus. Suddenly, Lobo storylines started to make more sense.

The Trembler said...

As someone who dislikes wrestling and agrees this comic is horrible -- probably worse tan anything you dealt with in your own videos, Linkara -- there are two things I can say for this comic:

!) Whoever wrote the text -- would it have been this "Ultimate Warrior" or the wrestling storyline's writers? -- did have a little talent for rhythm and consonance/assonance. (And yes, I know I could've capitalized the first three letters of that last word.) But that little amount of skill actually makes it worse. (Like C.S. Lewis said about morality, to be truly evil a person has to have some small amount of a virtue, such as courage or intelligence. Of course, intelligence isn't this comic's virtue.) Put another way, is a car crash but a car crash designed by someone with a talent to make the crash even more attention grabbing. But I think those qualities depend on it being heard. To read the words on a page must be vile beyond vile. A opposed to merely vile

(Of course, Spoony's reading might be what made it hard to pull away.).

2) I think that he last picture actually shows Satna Claus drooling after having drink himself to unconsciousness, and the Warrior putting on his outfit presumably to take over his rounds. The brown substance is some sort of hard liquor. No rape. Still, if drooling drunk Santa is the good explanation. . . To quote Kermit the Frog, "Sheesh."



Linkara, I'm quite curious how this you did a video game / he did comic thing came about? Did one of you have the idea first, was it a meeting of the minds, a coincidence? Did you know about this comic beforehand? Are you glad or disappointed that Spoony got to it instead of you? And, although I note you aren't credited as a writer, did you have any input into either the review or the "host segments?"

So now we have Youngblood' Disease for the head & Liefeld's Disease for the feet. Any pathologies diagnosed for the body parts in between?


Hopefully with his brief appearance in this video, if there is a 2nd Anniversary video, Mr. Doug might recall the Dr. Insano character and give him a line next time. (I heard Spoony's commentary about why there was no Insano in the main video, so I accept that. But I couldn't help but find it lacking in that regard.)

And on the subject of Insano, my attention went to him as soon as he appeared on screen, and it took me most of that first scene to realize that you were playing him. You have quite a talent for voices.

mightysamurai said...

Oh, BTW, according to Wikipedia, after the "Ultimate Warrior" (real name: James Brian Hellwig) retired from professional wrestling in 1999 he embarked on a career in public speaking.

Can you even imagine that? Just try and picture Warrior giving speeches, in the Warrior voice, teaching people about "destrucity" and "the disciplines of the warrior", constantly speaking in ellipses and using words like "foked" and *skronk!*.

Would that not be the most surreal thing you've ever seen in your life? It's the sort of thing that would make you go instantly insane the second you look upon it, like gazing into the face of Great Dread Cthulu or something.

Ia! Ia! Warrior ftagn!

Truce Weston said...

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

This comic, is possibly the craziest, most God awful, screwiest, most unusal, and freakishly disturbing thing, I have ever seen! And that was before I saw that image of Santa getting raped!

The video was hilarious! You guys, all did an amazing job with this crossover review!

I would rather glady suffer from Youngblood's disease, swine flu, monkeypox, allergies, post nasal drip, Liefeld's disease, bubonic plague, the side effects for every single RX medicine ever advertised on TV ever, and the top 25 uncurable diseases, AT THE SAME TIME, rather than ever see a single image from this failure ever of comic again!

I feel bad for every single one of you and your friends in the multiverse that had to suffer for looking at it to do this video.

So until Peter Parker & Ben Reily get hired to do the new Doublemint gum commercials, MAKE MINE LINKARA

(yeah I know about Ben btw)

Rhomega said...

I'm 100% certain the people who did this comic were on a combination of weed, crack, and acid. There's just no other explanation except witnessing something that breaks your sanity to tiny bits. Oh, and I would've put the comic back on the shelf after reading the first wall of text.

Awesome work together, and parallel dimension ideas, including Nostalgia Critic, Lester B. Bum, the script-reading one, and the polarized shot.

SynjoDeonecros said...

"Speaking of Anita Blake, I suggest trying to tackle that comic. For a comic about monster hunting the characters just jabber, jabber, jabber while the comic goes at snail's pace with nothing happening for issues (just look at the first Laughing Corpse mini-series). Not to mention that Ms. Hamilton has no concept of how sequental art works (and will shove descriptions when the picture alone can and should be speaking for itself). Anita Blake is also a boorish idiot who prefers to act tough\bully others than do any real detective work. And don't even get me started on Brett Booth's art in the Guilty Plesures mini-series. Sorry if I rambled, but I think you'd have a field day with that one."

I remember both Anita Blake (from the novels about her) and Brett Booth (aka Demonpuppy in the furry fandom...yes, believe it or not, Brett Booth IS a furry, and a good example of the sheer awesome talent that is in most furry artist), and I'm of the same mind with both of them: they were awesome at first, but now they suck ass. I can even tell you what their last great installments were: the novel "Blue Moon" for Anita Blake and "Thundercats: Dogs of War" for Brett Booth. Hell, I even have a "how to draw" book that Booth co-created, and the art he contributed to it is miles beyond the crap that I've seen so far in the "Guilty Pleasures" miniseries. I'm perfectly willing to do the review if you're not, Linkara, but I agree that that comic series does need to be torn a new (excuse the furry term) tailhole.

Philosophista said...

I... don't... have... any...words...to...say...about...this...

...

...

...

Wait...I...Have...One...

...

...

...

SKRONK!

greenjeans said...

I have to ask...was this the "failure of sequential storytelling" worthy of F-bombs you mentioned on the Made of Fail podcast? Because it certainly qualifies as one.

Shiru04 said...

I have to admit that I love the nonsensical ramblings this comic tries to pass off as dialogue. Then again, I'm a big fan of really absurd things that tends to make people's brains explode.

Too bad about the questionable artwork, though. :(

Paul S. said...

This may be the single worst comic I've ever seen that's not an issue of Tarot.

Ah the 90s when any idiot could start up their own comic company. Also in case you're curious Warrior University was a wrestling school that Helwig ran between WWF stints. It was about as successful as you'd imagine a wrestling school run by a lunatic who knew two moves.

Anne said...

This was brilliantly done. Great job, Lewis, as well as everyone else involved in this crossover extravaganza!

Anonymous said...

Why do you always say 'Hoak' Hogan? Isn't his stage name 'Hulk' Hogan? Or are you just mocking how Warrior says it?
On another note, epic review. The comic seemed like something vaguely remembered from a 'bad-ass' dream, but with way more awful wording. And you know that Christmas special was bad when even the charitable interpretations (he just beat Santa and took his power for some reason) are horrible.

Will Staples said...

I do have one positive thing to say about this shitstain of a comic: I've seen some more recent artwork by the guy who drew it, and he's actually matured into a fairly talented artist.

The writer, not so much. "Queering it up," etc.

rdfox said...

For the record, the WWF didn't have "writers" back when this was written; storylines came from the wrestlers and Vince McMahon.

This comic came entirely from the twisted mind of the Anabolic Warrior, who is every bit as batshit insane in real life as he is in-character. (For god's sake, the man legally changed his name to "Warrior" in the mid-90s.) If you don't believe me, check out his rantings on his website, ultimatewarrior.com . (Be prepared for blog posts as excessively verbose and faux-intellectual as this comic, though...)

The Ultimate Hellwig's "retirement" from wrestling in 1999 was more a case of "nobody was gonna hire him again" after his run in WCW was a complete and utter disaster due to their letting him have creative control over his persona.

His public speaking career has flopped massively, too, since an incident in the early 2000s where, at a college in New England--I want to say Harvard, but I don't think it was--one of his few coherent comments was, "Queering don't make the world work."

In front of AP reporters. Who were taping the speech.

Yeah.

Thankfully, that's pretty much gotten him blackballed from the wrestling business, too, so we don't have to worry about his turning up again unless Vince gets REALLY desperate... and Hellwig forgets about the "Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior" DVD set WWE put out that was basically just four hours of everyone they could find ripping into him.

Now, considering I first learned of this comic on wrestlecrap.com, I gotta tell RD Reynolds about this review...

Jean-Baptiste said...

Anti-comic justifies my bad writing...Art is a question, Anti-comic is the answer...Die ! Die ! Die for Warrrior !

I'm sorry, but I think my soul just skronked itself. This...THING has turned me into a Justifier. It just demonstrates how undescribably horrible and incompetent the human imagination can get.

I can't believe it is possible for a human being to write such nonsensical, pseudo-philosophical, pompous bullshit. And I can even less believe that a human being could publish it.

You know what the worst part is ? I watched this twice, and on the second viewing, I started actually MAKING SENSE out of Warrior's gibberish. I'm gazing into the abyss here, folks...and it's mostly just clichéd rambling about the value of self-confidence, and how doubt, popularity or the SYSTEM (dun dun duuun) can undermine your spirit. So it's not madness incarnate, it's just some idiot wrapped in his own self-importance. Who knew ?

Anyway, great review, Linkara. You do a wicked Doctor Insano, the parallel reviewing universes were a mindblowing idea ("I'm adorable but alone..." HA !), and Spoony is absolutely hilarious when he imitates the Warrior. My inexistent French hat's off to you two, messieurs !

PS : it's the strangest thing, but I think my roommate might be your long-lost twin brother. I mean he has exactly the same face and expressions as you...it gets really apparent when you do the Insano...

Will said...

Great review. BTW, I love the plush reality.

sirkenz17 said...

And now it's time for everyone's favorite game.

Believe it or not, one of the cover artists for the Warrior Christmas Special is one Joe Quesada. O_o

Pointless, I know, but interesting...

L Lawliet said...

I actually just saw Warrior in a comic store for a buck. I didn't buy it. XD Thank you guys for preventing me from buying it!

Anonymous said...

Brain hurt bad...

Evilkritter said...

WHO, THE FARK, THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA??? WAS WARRIOR ON COCAINE WHEN HE CONCEIVED THAT CHRISTMAS SPECIAL??? I AM GOING TO VOMIT UP MY SOUL AND REINTEGRATE IT IN THE HOPES OF CLEARING MY MIND.

Evilkritter said...

I feel better now.

Ming said...

Wow! The Ultimate Warrior Comic -- definitely the ultimate worst comic in all reality. And they actually made 4 issues? I don't want to imagine if he actually made more.

This episode is one of the best episodes ever -- with reviewers from Channel Awesome crossing over into Spoony Experiment/Atop the Fourth Wall. The ending where the entire staff beats up Dr. Insano (NOBODY RAPES SANTA ON OUR WATCH! GET HIM!) is definitely one of my favorite scenes.

Looking back, this is where all the multiverse-related epic plots started -- Mechakara, Dr. Linksano, and Lord Vyce, all spinning out of this story.

FugueforFrog said...

I don't know if I said this before, but this probably has to be one of my favorite reviews you've ever done. Yeah, it was with Spoony, but the Warrior comic is just so WTF that it just writes itself with it's terribleness...and of course the random "Warrior talk" scenes. (let alone the bizarre alt-universes scenes...was Linksano introduced here?)

farsh-nuke said...

-shrugs- I don't really like the comic format and my annoying nerdy friend who does has rather conditioned me to have the opposite opinion than anyone talking about a comic book but that didn't seem too bad.

It reminds me of that time when hulk and Banner were apparently cool and behaving as one so the hulk had Banner's smarts. This really feels like the wrestler version of the Avatar (as in The Goddamned Avatar of Ultima)and it's actually a bit more interesting than the Avatar for its added complexity and the making up of a new word.

The abundance of text would actually be something of a plus for me since I don't really see the point in pictures for comics, it just removes the power of imagination but the text does seem like an idiot whose read a dictionary going 'See, I can use long words' as opposed to me, the idiot who reads tv tropes and goes 'See aren't long words really cool?'

Mateja Kovač said...

Oh man, it's not working for some reason. It loads the first second and a half after 30 seconds and that's it, gave it almost a day before complaining :/

Tried watching directly on Blip with same results and TSE is down.

Mateja Kovač said...

Aaaaahahahahaha, I loved the MGS2 random babber! :D

The comic was on LSD, most definitely :B

You two rule together!

Anonymous said...

Say, did you try to replace all the ellipsises with "HOAK HOGAN"? It makes the narration sound so much more natural!

moses mckeon said...

wow when spoony Sped it up It was so much Chaos Happening so fast my computor had to load.

James Picard said...

Okay, I feel wrong for even looking at that poster with Warrior possibly raping Santa. The sad thing is, if the Anti-Life Equation were real, this would probably be part of it, because it certainly broke me. Thanks for giving this what it deserved, guys. And hey, at least some awesome stuff came out of this crossover. To think that it all starts from here . . .

Anonymous said...

the ultimate warrior has passed away http://www.wwe.com/inside/ultimate-warrior-passes-away-26223975

KingInYellowTatters said...

R.I.P U.W. :( May flights of Jawas sing thee to thy rest upon the terrain of Testament...

Kaze Koichi said...

I rewatched this episode as a memento to UW passed away.
One thing that bugs me that alternate "Linkara" is using F-word. I think the Spoony One made much better Linkara impersonation in his Star Wars april fool review.