Monday, December 6, 2010

New Kids on the Block #4



This comic has NONE of the right stuff.



NOTE: Mark Wahlberg WAS a member of New Kids on the Block, but only very briefly and apparently never recorded anything with them before he quit to focus on his own projects.

63 comments:

Kriken said...

Nice review Linkara, personally if I ever saw that fan girl, I'd give the idea of living in the mountains a chance.

But then again, who was that big of a fan of New Kids on the Block? Looking forward to next week's review.

TechmarineChris said...

Hey, Linkara? I tried watching your video, but it doesn't load.

I tried watching your older videos as well, but they don't want to play either.

I then went to your blip account page, but I get the same message. In fact, no videos on blip play except for Welshy's.

I'm just letting you know, man. It may just be me, or it may be blip itself. I don't know.

SP4Mew said...

Well, Daredevil has powers when he's blind. And you had an issue with that. Do you have some sort of grudge against Daredevil's powers?

Lundarigirl said...

For those of you who do care, Johnatha and Jordan look alike because they're brothers.

Anyway, I remeber the New Kids fondly. I still have their tape that Mom gave me for Christmas when I was about seven or eight. I was a New Kids fan girl and I remember the cartoon.

I doubt the actual New Kids read this comic or else they deman that the series be cancles. This comic was just bad.

Trevor said...

"Why are you talking? Everytime you talk, you only prove why you shouldn't". I'm seriously gonna use this in conversations from now on! I could understand a U2 comic, or possibly Aerosmith, but why New Kids on the Block? they're not interesting!

SailorCardKnight said...

I was far too young to remember these guys (perhaps it was a good thing). They had an animated series too...really? and I thought the N'Sync dream phone toy was unnecessary.

Anyways, this is one hell of a find here Linkara, but at least it made for a hilarious review...during the last part when you started rhyming I almost choked on a Cheez-it cracker from laughing so hard.

lilmaibe said...

Very neat review :) I must say, even as you announced the rhyming part in twitter it took me a bit by surprise. But it's nice nonetheless...

Oh, and a sidenote on celebrity comics:
Is it just me or do nearly ALL comics of young celebrities/celebrities with teenager as their auditions tend to give the impression the daily live of the 'star' is actually having an absolute easy dreamlife, interupted only by being chased playfully by fangirl/-boys? And that being a stalker is a fun thing to do? (Seriously, if I saw it correctly the only times when stalkers are/were displayed as what they are IRL is when they are the villain of the week to some hero) And then some celebrities wonder why some of their 'fans' don't get that -no means no-?

harmonicajay said...

Great video. Also: "Let's fly, like Santa, and don'cha pause, 'cause if the fans catch us, we're a hopeless CLAUS" hurt when that last line was read. Seriously, OW.

Brainchild said...

First of all, I blame you for the fact that I've had "The Right Stuff" stuck in my head most of the weekend, which is just cruel. I can only hope it got stuck in your head too as you had to edit this. -_^

Also (and I know this is nitpicking), it wasn't Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlburg in NKOTB, but his brother Donnie. Apparently they wanted Mark initially, but he wanted to focus on his rap career, and we all know how THAT turned out. Strangely enough, like his brother Donnie Wahlburg became an actor, but on the other hand he doesn't have something as tremendously funny and awful as The Happening to his name.

I like how that homeless family doesn't have enough money for rent, but plenty to spare for NKOTB merchandise for the kids. Oh priorities.

Finally, if we're gonna talk about suggestive positions in the art for this comic, look at that kickline at the end of the main story. The cover just had two guys in a suggestive pose; that one has all five. I think we found where some of that yaoi artwork from the New Kids con ended up!

Eggman1115 said...

Great vid as always, sir. Quick point though, I'm pretty sure it was Mark Wahlberg's brother Donnie who was in New Kids, and Marky Mark had the Funky Bunch.

Brainchild said...

First of all, I blame you and this episode for getting "The Right Stuff" stuck in my head all weekend. My only consolation is that it likely got stuck in yours as you had to edit this. -_^

I know this is nitpicking, but it has to be said: it wasn't Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlburg in NKOTB, but his brother Donnie. Their manager wanted Mark initially, but he refused as he wanted to focus on his rapping, and we all know how that went. Strangely enough, Donnie Wahlburg became a character actor in his own right, but he doesn't have anything nearly as hilarious and awful as The Happening to his name, so I can forgive that in the name of a joke.

I like the priorities of the homeless couple. They can't afford rent, but they can still afford NKOTB merchandise for the kids! And yeah, if I walked by an abandoned house and heard noise, I would definitely think "Oh, it's a critter" or "OH CRAP METH LAB" before I thought "Oh, there's a family in there!"

Finally, if we're going to talk about suggestive positions in the artwork, check out that kickline at the end of the main story. The cover just had two of them; that part has all of five of them in what looks like a regular daisy chain. I think we found where some of that yaoi art from the NKOTB con went!

A Tribe Called Helloween said...

15:00 Oh my God ITS THE GREAT DOLEMITE!!

The legend goes that on Halloween night the Great Dolemite skeeds into the pumpkin patch in his cadillac and brings a bevy of hoes to stick your meat thermometer in!

Except in this case it's christmas and a limousine.

PickPikmin said...

Comic books that feature musicians most of the time aren't very good.
All of those lack the awesomeness of 70's Kiss comic.

Kreaden said...

Hey Lewis a little correction for the opening of you review of this horrible comic. It wasn't Mark Wahlberg who was in New Kids on the Block, but his brother Donny.

KKDW said...

So The New Kids on the Block is are a band, I think I'd heard the name somewhere but I thought it must be the title of a TV Show.

Anyway, hilarous as always. And also, round of applause for the rhyming.

harmonicajay said...

One last thing, that fangirl makes all other fans look bad. I'm a huge green lantern fan, but even I don't paint my dorm room green or walk around in the middle of winter in green skin tight underpants. That was honestly the funniest scene, especially that little line: "SECURITY!"

Mountain King said...

I caught this on the charity drive, which was a good thing because for some reason its not loading on blip (in fact I can't find one video that'll load so something might just be wrong with my Mac)

Never mind. I'll try to remember what happened, urm… not much I think is the answer. What is with these half arsed publicity comics? I can understand a cameo once every so often to promote some product / group / band but to produce a short lived comic that has no reason (or rhyme but that's a little too jaded) just confuses me. No one who doesn't like the product is going to buy the damn thing and it's just going to damage the brand.
Alright things like Transformers make an exception, but there is a good reason for that. They take the concept, expand upon it and develop it. For example it was Marvel that coined the names Optimus Prime and Megatron. This means they put something important into the whole situation, opposed to this pile of tat that doesn't do or say anything.

Comics like this are simply a waste of paper, not the sort of waste that Bimbo's in Time was. Not horrible, or mind scaringly bad and not even mediocre like nineties mainstream. Just pathetic in every sense and deserves o be forgotten.

Thomas

ShadowWing Tronix said...

The comic, I'm assuming, was based off the cartoon that had the same plot--and was better when both the Beatles and Jackson 5 cartoons did them--where the band gets into all sort of misadventures while running from screaming fans. I had nothing to do with either of them.

Harvey actually had an imprint, Nemesis, which produced Ultraman comics, so that's something cool from around that time.

Anonymous said...

I was a bit too young to remember the New Kids as well, but this comic was still hilarious to review.

Hope something better comes around to put you in the Christmas spirit, hearing you argue against a little well-meaning (if poorly executed) attempt to be generous during the holidays was a little...uncomfortable.

But you doing the last part of the review in rhyming couplets more than made up for it though. :D

Falcovsleon20 said...

Technically Santa DOES fly, just not without the sleigh and reindeer but whatever, it's not it would make this comic any more tolerable.

BTW Lewis, planning on doing another Holiday Shopping Guide like last year? Just wondering is all.

Christopher said...

This was...this was the most profoundly idiotic thing I've ever seen! How...where did you find this thing?! My mouth was hanging open in shock this entire review! Even the Silent Hill comics didn't have that effect!

BoyandHorse said...

Hey Linkara,

I feel stupid that I know this, but Donnie Walberg was in New Kids on the Block, not Mark Walberg. Donnie is the older brother and was Sgt. Lipton in Band of Brother.

I'm going to go sit in the corner in shame for knowing that.

rdfox said...

...great. Thank you SO much for getting seventh-grade earworms stuck in my head again.

Amusingly, even back in 1988, I just wanted to punch each member of the New Kids in the face as hard as I could... nice to see some things haven't changed!

Tim said...

"I've walked by here many times...and I KNOW there's a FAMILY living in this house!"

Yes, it all seemed like such a good idea, but that was before Marky Mark discovered the tunnels connected to the cellar, winding off into the darkness, before Jordan saw the blue and brown eyes gleaming in the shadows...

Soon, the New Kids on the Block would have to face the horrible secret of the old Martense mansion...

What? If comics could do Archie Meets the Punisher, then I can do The New Kids on the Block Meet The Lurking Fear. Mandy's statement about sounds in the old boarded-up house in the middle of nowhere was just BEGGING for it.

Besides, a NKotB/Lovecraft crossover is guaranteed to be more entertaining than this comic.

ZombieZach said...

Awesome Review,The rhyming part in the end was hilarious!

On one note,That's not Mark Wahlberg but rather his brother Donnie,The only movie I recall him in was Stephen King's Dreamcatcher.

glaciachan said...

Lewis, your memories of New Kids on the Block are like my memories of the Backstreet Boys and the like; I knew about them, but didn't really care.

Toenail Analyzer? Were the writers just coming up with stuff at the top of their heads or something?

Loved the rhyming at the end, haha.

technotreegrass said...

This very easily tops the California Raisins comic in character stupidity. LOVE your poem though.

Jesse said...

Wow, this was so bad it was funny. That fan was scary. Girl needs to be put in Arkham.

Good rhyming Linkara. Actually made the rest of this comic fun.

Jeremy A. Patterson said...

ShadowWing Tronix: Harvey's Nemesis line also has a Frankenstein adaptation called Frank!

They also had a goofy 1960s line called Harvey Thrillers, with such 'heroes' as Bee-Man, Fate, Pirana, Fruitman, Jack Q. Frost, Jigsaw, Spyman, The Spirit and Fighting American!

J.A.P.

Jon Holtgrefe said...

This had me splitting my sides laughing at a couple points, especially your brilliant rhyming at the end. What an utterly horrible comic.

Why does every music group try to replicate the getting chased by fans bit of The Beatles "Hard Day's Night"?

Does anyone know of any other musical group that has had a movie/tv-show/whatever made about them that has actually been good, other than The Beatles? I can't think of any off the top of my head but I assume there might well be(a real musical group, not something like Spinal Tap).

scott said...

Last week we got a So Bad It's Good comic, so I guess today's So Bad It's Horrible review balances out the radio of badness on AT4W.

Also, the rhyming at the end was an interesting change of pace, but it would've been funnier if Linkara just said "screw it" and dropped it right before the end of the review. Overall, a solid review, and as always I look forward to the rest of December.

SchweitzerMan said...

I'll be honest, I was hoping you would have played "The White Stuff" at the end of this video.

Still, great review and I'm glad that I don't remember too much of the New Kids on the Block. I knew that they had a cartoon but I was 4 or 5 at the time and thought it looked stupid

Anonymous said...

I was hopping that you would morph into santa christ or something like that.

Anonymous said...

Get your facts Straight it was DONNIE WHALBERG not Markie Mark. What the fuck dude?!

Anonymous said...

Please Lewis set this comic on fire. It sucks so much knowing that this was a comic has raped my eyes and my brain.

Nancy said...

I was a New kids fan back when they were popular, but never knew about the comic. I wouldn't have caught dead buying it. Its like someone found a fans old fanfiction and added images to it.

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, I remember the cartoon that was based of this during the 90s
Whenever someone tries to tell me how the cartoons of the 90s were better than those today, I remind them of this and several others

jamie1978s said...

soom hay linkare the video are not load pax gove a look

Jer Alford said...

I can only imagine the ungodly level of Hell that the video room at "NewKidsCon 2010" had to offer.

What, the genius fangirl couldn't come up with a New Kids sperm-analyzer? If she's that smart, you'd think she'd just clone her own New Kids fangirl harem.

Oracle said...

Was essentially blissfully unaware of the New Kids and their doings. My first boy band was the Backstreet Boys. (Hush, they were fun)

Oh man, every time that stalker fan says something, one becomes even more agast. On a positive note, impressive rhyming! Applause for you!

I had a nagging thought about the first story. It would almost make sense that a group of guys in Santa costumes could be mistaken for holiday volunteers. But she couldn't see them! That is an avenue they could have explored RATHER than making a really naive blind lady. ...Why am I trying to re-write this abomination???

Amnesia said...

Well, as far as that charity goes, some might say it's the thought that counts...
Except it's obvious that no thought went into it at all.

It just raises too many questions. What if these people were Jewish and/or didn't celebrate Christmas? If all the windows and doors were boarded up, how did the family get inside?

Why couldn't they show the NKotB doing something, you know, actually charitable instead of completely farfetched? Maybe they could have decorated a retirement home, met some interesting old folks with stories to tell. They could have delivered a Christmas dinner to a family in need or volunteered for a day at the soup kitchen. Seriously, have these writers ever given a thought to charity beyond dropping a few coins in the Salvation Army bucket?

On another note, about the blind woman not recognizing she was being hit on, it may just have been that she was purposefully ignoring it. It's easier to feign ignorance than to actually deal with every obnoxious guy that tries to hit on you. Especially if he's there to help you out and chances are you'll never see him again.
Yeah, the comic has plenty of problems, but that's not one of them.

looking2dastars said...

Great review, Linkara! Though I find myself disappointed you didn't make a crack about the text where one of the New Kids calls himself a Daredevil and then refer back to the blind woman with the super-hearing.

Eh... I guess it WAS too obvious.

espanolbot said...

Cannae see the video, mate. Or any of the other Blip.tv ones.

Agh, they haven't installed region coding all of a sudden have they? :(

Serj said...

This comic is so bad it's hilarious. I totally digged your rhymes, dude.

Anonymous said...

If it weren't for the fact that this is a family show, then you could have easily showed Donnie Walhberg's final scene in Saw IV. Which I firmly believe would sum up any and all feeling he had about being in this comic.

Brassherald said...

Alot of comments, so I'm not sure if its been said, but that is Donnie Wahlberg, not Mark Wahlberg. Where Mark is in movies now, Donnie has dropped off the face of the Earth since his career ended. Otherwise, nice review.

Madner Kami said...

Epic, Linkara. That review scores an 20 out of 10 (o.-)b

Mndilj said...

This was awesome! Your rhyming is very skillful! However...
"May and Rebbecca..."
Amy.
The dialog bubble says "Amy", not May.
But who cares, shes just a random supposed hooker.

Perkins said...

I was kind of expecting an "OF COURSE! DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SCIENCE!" line with the toenail analyzer, but then again, if someone made that I'd probably share your reaction too.

By the way, nice job with the ending. Would've sucked if they used the word "Orange" though.

TechmarineChris said...

Never mind. Problem fixed itself last night. Turns out blip.tv was the problem after all. They were putting up a Katey Perry UK tour ad that I've already gotten sick of.

Anyway, great review.

CyberXIII said...

I really enjoyed the last half of the video. I don't know why but the rhymes gave me a much-needed smile today.

Thanks for that, and good luck with the rest of your videos!

SynjoDeonecros said...

That comic was awful, but your grinchiness was kinda scary. I thought tis was the season for all to be merry? Why do I get the feeling your anger won't lie fallow, and will invoke a return to last year's parody of "A Christmas Carol"?

At least lip synching was the extent of their scandals; If only we knew all those "boy band gay orgy" jokes were factual... Poor Ricky Martin, and Lance Bass, what a shame. I will NEVER look at the "Bunny Boys" furry parody the same way again.

Speaking of bunnies, that joke never gets old. Best way to distract from a bad comic, all told. Though now I have to wonder, where the hell did you get it? Is it porcelain, metal, or Easter chocolate?

Damn, this speaking is rhyme is really a bother, makes me sound like an idiot Paradox Brother. I dunno how you could stand going half your review speaking like that. At the very least, you look awesome with that festive combo-hat.

Dustin said...

This was a good treat during the donation drive..

Linkara. I heard that you read all the comments.. First I just want to say that I just found out you had a website. I only watched you from TGWTG.. So it's good to catch up on vlogs and other things you made..

Second..

I loved your "Let's Play" of Star Trek: Elite Force... I have just recently found out that there is a Star Trek: Elite Force 2.

I was hoping that you would consider doing a "Let's Play" with that game..

I loved your "Ensign Monroe" character and I would love to see you bring it back..

Either way, thanks for doing what you do.

P.S.
I don't use Twitter.
( I heard you mention that you thought you had more fans on twitter)

FugueforFrog said...

That...was disturbing. Sadly I grew up in an age where my sister was obsessed with the New Kids in the late 80s...luckily that ended once we discovered the Beatles and Billy Joel.

Oh...and suddenly I have this image of "Play Misty for Me" after the insane stalker...then again after all the New Kids, having "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" at the end would have been epic.

Birthmark Hal said...

Was.. was one of them sleeping in an old Kid Flash costume? Is Danny is actually the lost Venture brother? I'm confused all of a sudden.

MoonTiger said...

Hi Lewis!
This was the most enjoyable review you did in a while. Even though I loved all your reviews as of yet, this felt new, and your rhymes were great to listen to. Way to go, and keep it up. ^^

Jeremy A. Patterson said...

Are you really going to replace the HTD Holiday Special for the next episode?

J.A.P.

Anonymous said...

I'm suuuuuure you really were thinking of Mark being in NKOTB for a short time and never recording with them when you made the video and werent confusing him and Donnie. Riiiight.
And you call yourself a NKOTB FAN! Oh, wait... ;P hehe

Kitsunie said...

Nice as always Linkara! I very much admire all the time/work you put into your reviews. Very entertaining stuff! And your sense of humor is just awesome, lol. Thanks for the hours of laughs and entertainment:-)

I was never really into the New Kids on the Block even when they were popular...but this comic is just terrible, and embarrassing. It's pretty obvious they were just cashing in on the NKOB fame and whatnot, but geez. Great bad comic for a review though:-D Awesome work!! Always looking forward to your next review:-D

Jeremy A. Patterson. said...

Here is an in-depth list of Harvey's NKOTB comics:

The first books published were a series of three one-shots dated 'Fall 1990': 'Magic Summer Tour', 'Valentine Girl', and 'Step By Step'.
Then there are the four 'core titles':
The main title (which the issue you reviewed came from), which lasted eight issues.
Backstage Pass (Seven issues)
Comics Tour (Seven issues)
Chillin (Seven issues)

The other books are:
Hangin Tough (Three issues)
NKOTB Digest (Five issues in the digest format!)
Richie Rich and the NKOTB (Three issues)
and Wendy and the NKOTB (Three issues)

Also, the 'Fanny Tweetersweet' character actually first appeared in a story in the 'Magic Summer Tour' one-shot, and even proclaims that she is their biggest fan!

I hope you get this info!

J.A.P.

Paul said...

I probably shouldn't be commenting as I've not seen this video yet, but have read the comments and saw the 15 Screw-Ups video, but to explain the whole "Mark Wahlberg not in New Kids" thing. Other than the whole "well, these places say he was in it really early on and they seem credible!" also note that in order to be a member of a big band like that, one actually has to sign an agreement signifying that you're a band member. He/she can opt out at any time. Marky Mark could have been a founding member and might have helped shape the agreement, but left before the band did anything musically. A similar instance would be the guy who replaced Larry Fine in the Three Stooges. He was technically a full member of the Stooges and probably signed all the right paperwork, but he never did anything save a promotional picture or two.

Night said...

Your rhyming skills, sir, far outweigh this book's publishers. There is no more to be said, and no more that need be said.

(particularly since like you, I barely remember the New Kids On The Block)

Argent Rose said...

Did you want to review the Wendy the Witch Meets the New Kids on the Block and the Richie Rich meets the New Kids on the Block. I'm fairly sure I have both of them though they're a bit beat up.